Slush Black and the Seven Dwarbishies
by HoratiosBabyMama
Summary: You've heard of Snow White right? Well, I'm her cousin Slush and this is my story. Warnings for sarcasm, stereotypes and slash.
1. In which we meet a prince

**Blame my obsession with yaoi fairytales and the bathtub; it's where I got the idea…**

**888**

"I can't freaking believe this," I stared in horror at the mirror before me like it was playing a trick on me like my aunt's mirror who told her she was the fairest. Yeah, total lie, my aunt was a hag; the mirror probably said that so my aunt wouldn't break him into a million pieces.

I blinked and the nightmare didn't go away, I twisted and the fabric rubbed against my leg gracefully. I closed my eyes tight and let it sink in.

I was wearing a dress.

Now I know to most people, this would not sound like a reason to be overdramatic like I appear to be. But let me burst your naïve little bubbles.

I am a boy. Not a girl. A man. A manly _**prince**_. One who has never worn a dress or even thought about wearing a dress.

And why am I wearing a dress then you ask? Why would a man with such an aversion to dresses be wearing said article of clothing? Simple.

My parents are sadists.

No, I am not exaggerating!

They constantly try to cause me displeasure. My sisters get all the attention, the best jewels, the compliments, the choice of which adoring prince they want to marry. Me? I just get shooed away and told to 'go read my silly books' or sent to do some princely thing like slay a dragon or win a tournament even though it's a well-known fact I'm too clumsy for weapons and I'd rather talk to the dragon than slay it. People are so stupid, why kill a dragon when they can be so informative? My best friend Scaly had been a dragon when I was a kid until a stupid peasant came along and smote him on the spot just to impress my sister who turned him away because he wasn't handsome enough. And I had my best friend killed. Where's the fairness I ask you?

Another thing my parents did to torture me was put me in this dress. I know you're still wondering why but hang on; I'm getting to that part!

Apparently, I'm getting married.

To a prince.

Who thinks I'm a girl.

Yes, laugh your lungs out, I don't care.

I looked yet again at the hideous monstrosity. It was _pink_ and had puffy sleeves and lace and a huge hoopskirt, did I mention the bows? I felt like a cupcake.

No prince would fall for this, unless he was as thick as a rock. The dress couldn't hide the fact that I was male.

My hair is red and curly and most importantly short, it barely reaches my ears unlike my sisters golden tresses that tumble down their backs.

Their faces are soft and feminine; I have high cheekbones and a strong chin and angular jaw.

My sisters are slender and delicate while I am muscular and clumsy. Even the pink frills couldn't cover broad shoulders.

I sighed; it was my fault I was in this mess really. I know, shocking, I actually admitted it!

My parents may be sadists but they were also accepting, they knew I didn't like girls and have never tried to force me to marry a princess. But I never in a million years thought this would be their solution!

This prince must be exceptionally dumb if he would fall for this 'disguise' and want to marry me.

I asked my parents what would happen when he found out I wasn't female and they just waved their hands. 'You'll be married and it will be too late by then and if they try to accuse us, we will just say a wizard cast a spell on you'

I wanted to throw myself in the moat; they made it sound so simply stupid.

I got fed up with my reflection and walked over to the window, hating the sound of the ruffles against the stone floor.

Would the fall from this height be enough to kill me?

I leaned against the wall and ran a hand through my curls, how could I get out of this? Maybe this dress was big enough to be a parachute!

I shook my head and smiled, wishing I could escape to my library but even my illiterate family could find me there. Maybe this prince would actually be nice?

No, I never have been really lucky.

"Slush?" a hesitant knock sound on my door. Again my luck is proven.

Yes, my name is Slush. Slush Black, royal prince of Yriaf Elat. You may know my cousin Snow White? Stupid brat that one, tortured because of her looks, shacked up with dwarves and got defeated by an apple. You'd never see something like that happening to me.

"Slush?" I sighed, here goes the rest of my happiness. Bitter? Me? Not at all.

"Yes, come in," my deep voice rang through the drafty room. Another reason why this ploy wouldn't work, I refused to fake a feminine voice.

The door opened and my sister, Breezy walked in. She was the fairest and quietest of all my sisters, I actually liked her most of the time except she was also a prankster and being on the receiving end of her pranks was never fun.

My sheets still had a lingering scent of piss because of her…

"Prince Dunder has arrived, he's waiting for you in the garden," she said with a blush. My eyes widened.

Dunder? This might be fun!

"Okay, bring me to Prince Dunderhead," I smirked and Breezy blushed deeper and walked quickly from the room. I picked up my skirts (ugh) and followed her.

I studied the halls as we walked, taking in all the tapestries and high windows, golden sunlight flickering in making the hall bright. My family may be unbearable but I loved our castle. I would miss it if this diluted scheme worked.

Incessant giggling broke me from my daze and I looked to the door that led out to the gardens. The rest of my sisters were standing there, trying to get a better look at my intended and it sounds as if he was cute if their giggles were any clue.

All three of them, Sunny, Cloudy and Tornado, my beloved beautiful sisters.

They could have Prince Dunder for all I care, maybe their wits combined with his would be enough to create half a brain.

"Is he handsome?" Breezy asked quietly, going behind her sisters and peering over their shoulders.

"Oh yes, very," Sunny smiled and clapped her hands.

"Not enough to tempt me," Cloudy frowned and crossed her arms.

"How can you say that?!" Tornado roared, looking at Cloudy with wide eyes.

"Let me be the judge of that," I spoke up and my sisters looked at me in surprise, probably forgetting I was there. Who ever remembered the pessimistic book worm brother anyway?

"He _is_ supposedly my future husband," I said, loving the sparks of jealousy that flared in my sisters' eyes as they tried to group glare a hole into my skull.

I stepped past them confidently and marched into the garden as unwomanly as possible.

And behold Prince Dunderhead!

He sat on the edge of the fountain, sniffing a rose in a poetic way, his gold hair flowing onto strong shoulders, his royal blue tunic taut against his chest. His blue eyes as empty as a rain barrel during a drought.

"Good day Prince Dundy!" I waved jovially as I approached him, my grin so acidic I could probably poison someone.

"Ah good day indeed, for I have never seen such beauty as yours Princess Slush," Dunderhead said, his voice husky and his words rehearsed.

"Oh really? With four lovely sisters, you find the brother the beauty?" I raised an eyebrow.

"The King and Queen said you were witty," Dundy smiled while mine disappeared. Stupid sadistic parents.

Prince Dunder patted the spot beside him on the bench and I sat down grudgingly.

"I like your hair, most princesses keep their hair long, short is quite a refreshing experience," he reached out to tug a curl and I leaned away. Was there a script hidden in his tunic?

"Well, yes, but I am not a princess," I said and Dundy just laughed, looking like a typical gorgeous prince. So boring.

"But of course you are, it is why we're betrothed!" Dundy spread his arms wide as if that explained everything.

"No, we're betrothed because you're an idiot," I looked up at the clouds wishing to be a bird or for a rock to hit Dunderhead, either option would make me happy.

"Why fair maiden surely you jest?" Soon-to-be-dead-Dunderhead reached out and took my hand gently in his. I gave a big smile.

"No, I do not jest, do you not know stupid Prince that I am a man?" I said in a sugar-coated voice that could have competed with Sunny's.

"How long will you hide your love behind that joke fair Princess?" the prince chuckled and that's when I had enough.

A swift punch to the jaw sent Dunderhead flying into the fountain with a big splash and gave me the time to quickly stalk away, ripping the fluffy skirts of my dress as I went. I tore away the dress to reveal brown leggings beneath, like I wouldn't wear my own clothing under the monstrosity. The ruffles itched.

I scaled the garden wall and ran towards the woods, my family was nuts, they could do without me for a few days.

They might even hold a party in celebration of my disappearance.

The sound of a spluttering idiot and my cooing sisters was enough to make me grin as the shade of the trees swallowed me.

888

And so ends the beginning of my stupid fairy tale. Please tell me if you like it, I need feedback, is Slush as funny and entertaining as I think he is? Was it detailed enough?

Reviews if you want more!


	2. In which the prince gets lost

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately yes, I own this; I do not however own any fairy tales that are mocked in this. Yay for Star Wars, Shakespeare and Terry Pratchett references!**

**This chapter is dedicated to my friend Bob the Destroyer, because he helped me name my dwarves. Thanks Eric ^_^**

**Read on. If you dare.**

**888**

Why had I come into the woods again? This place was crazy. Now I saw why it was called the EWOK or Enchanted Wood of Kookiness.

I'd only been walking for an hour and I'd already run into a fairy boy searching for some girl named Dumbelina (or something equally silly) who if she really was the size of my thumb was probably caught by a hawk by now. I'd also run into a girl dressed in male clothing similar to mine asking if I knew where the Duke of Orsino was. Orsino was a small isle on the other side of the world; of course I hadn't seen her darling duke!

And then strangest of all, a frog had hopped into my path and noticed my clothes that still had scraps of pink clinging to it and he smiled a great Froggy smile.

He had fly wings stuck to his lips.

"Fair maid, would you be willing to kiss a poor enchanted frog? Turn me back into my princely self and I can take you away to my kingdom!" he had declared and I rolled my eyes. Who needed another stupid prince in the world? And how in the name of Parody was I _still_ getting mistaken for a girl?!

"Go find my sisters, they'll help. Especially Tornado, she's the prettiest of all." I stepped over the frog and kept walking, the frog yelling his thanks and hopping in the direction of the castle.

I smirked, hopefully he would end up with Tornado, no punishment was greater than that.

I walked cautiously through the woods, glancing around not wanting to run into anymore romances gone bad.

The trees on either side of me were thinning and I noticed I was probably close to the mountains if the snowy peak I could see through the leaves was any clue.

I wonder what was happening at the castle, Dunder was probably wrapped in a blanket by the fire with my sisters cooing around him, Sunny would probably be singing in her beautiful bird-like voice, I sounded like a crow if I even attempted to sing.

Cloudy would probably be reading him her dreary poetry and Breezy would probably be feeding him soup while Tornado ran around the room crazily in a panic, knocking over every item as she passed. And then a cinder would jump from the hearth and light Dunderhead's blanket on fire and the ensuing flames would cause every room except for my library to be burnt to the ground…

Okay so every bit but the last thing was most likely true but a guy can dream right?

The thought of Dunder catching fire brought a grin to my face and made me think of a quote from one of my favorite books.

'Give a man fire and he'll be warm for a day; set fire to him and he'll be warm for the rest of his life'

I chuckled and came to a fork in the road. I picked up the utensil and stuffed it in my pocket before continuing on my way.

-

I walked for a few more hours without any consequence except seeing a little girl chasing a white rabbit; it looked like she was trying to steal his pocket watch. Poor creature.

I leaned against a tree and sighed as my stomach gave a grumble of hunger. Stupid mother, waking me up at dawn to stuff me in a dress and denying me breakfast because it was already tough enough to stuff me in the monstrosity without a full stomach.

And while I had thought of wearing leggings and an undershirt under the gown, I hadn't thought to put any food in my pockets.

Me and my melancholy getting in the way of logical thinking.

At least I had thought to wear my boots instead of those dainty things that women call shoes, I just call them a potential weapon.

My stomach grumbled again and I forced myself to keep walking looking for anything edible. I spotted some mushrooms but remembered reading that the ones with orange tops were poisonous.

I pouted and was so focused on my search for food that I didn't see the tree root or the hill and quickly found myself tumbling (very gracefully mind you, _not_) down into a small valley.

I groaned and stood slowly, wiping off dirt from my already dirty clothes. I warily put weight on the ankle that had caused the tripping and was relieved when it didn't hurt. Maybe my luck was turning around?

I looked at my surroundings, scratch that last statement.

I was in a little field, the exact picture of flawlessness, soft green grass, little white flowers, golden sunlight, butterflies flitting about and a cottage in the background.

Stupid stereotypes, I preferred imperfections after spending a lifetime with my sisters and meeting Prince Dunder. This valley was too perfect.

I kicked a daisy and walked towards the cottage. I cocked my head to the side, this cottage didn't look right.

It had a thatched roof and white and brown walls, circular windows and a large red wooden door, the weird thing though was that instead of being small and cute, it was huge!

It was twice the size of a normal cottage and seemed to have add-ons and maybe even more buildings behind it?

I raised an eyebrow and knocked on the door. I didn't want to, who knew what kind of people lived here?

But the hunger and exhaustion were getting to me and a dinner of berries and a bed of moss did not sound appetizing.

I knocked again, harder this time and still receiving no answer.

Hmm, walk more into deep woods when it would be getting dark and monsters might be lurking or wait here until whoever lives here comes back?

Both options sounded bad but then again, I don't have a sword and monsters or more enchanted frogs were far worse then facing this cottage's owner. If this cottage still had an owner…

I smirked as I thought of some of my predecessors who just let themselves into the cottages they found. Snow was still working off her community service for breaking and entering along with that Goldilocks chick. Idiots.

I settled down on the grass next to the door, pulling the fork out of my pocket and playing with it until exhaustion overtook me and I fell asleep.

-

"Oi brat!" a toe poked my leg and my head jerked up, I blinked blearily at what appeared to be a giant in the moonlight.

"Ah, you're awake, good now scat!" I shook my head which dislodged some more sleepiness and I realized the figure wasn't a giant; he just looked tall from my ground vantage point. I stood slowly.

"Sorry to intrude but I was wondering if I could get some supplies for the night," I said carefully, not liking this man's glare, although it was hard to make out his features in the gloom. I knew he was a head taller than me and he had a shovel but that's about it. Hopefully he didn't decide to use the shovel to bash my head in…

"Oh no," the man shook his head and looked behind him, "Oi boys! We got another one!" he yelled and I saw more figures come around the corner of the house.

"Another one? If it's that red-hooded girl again, tell her we still don't know where her basket is!"

I think I might rather be facing the monsters now, I'd probably be safer.

"It's not the red hood. It's some boy!" I blinked; they could tell I was a man? That was a first, these guys must be some of the few intelligent beings in Yriaf Elat and that was saying something.

"I just want something to eat, it doesn't have to be much, just some bread and then I'll be on my way." I explained and dodged the shovel that was swung at my head, although I almost tripped with the effort.

"That's what they all say," the man closest to me said, his voice rough. I glared at the shovel in his hand.

"Whose they?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"All you unfortunate fairy tales, you see a cottage and instantly think the owners will just let you come in and take over!"

"I'm not a fairy tale," I muttered, thinking over my entire day, no way could my life be thought of as a fairy tale.

"Stop being so mean to him B!" a smaller figure pushed past my assailant and put an arm around my shoulders, "Let's get him inside, dark is settling in and the dragons will be out soon."

I liked this guy; his voice was light and kind-sounding…

"Not so fast! We can't just let in every stray just because you have a tender heart!" the voice I was slowly coming to hate spoke up and nudged me with his shovel. The man's arm around me tightened and I could tell he was pouting.

"But why not?! We can't leave him out here! That's so mean!"

"Listen to him or you'll be on guard duty tonight," another voice said, this one smooth and serious. My enemy seemed to stiffen at the words and he sighed.

"I still don't think we should, this boy has brat written all over him," he poked me with the shovel again and I smacked it with the fork.

"Stop that!" I yelled and held up the fork in what I hoped was a threatening gesture. Shovel-guy took a step back.

"Hey, that's my fork! I've been looking everywhere for it, give it to me!"

…You've. Got. To. Be. Freaking. Kidding. Me...

Thank Parody; luck was on my side for once. I smirked evilly.

"I'll give the fork back if you let me inside," I said and the guy next to me giggled and let go of my shoulder. Shovel-guy crossed his arms in what looked like defeat.

"Fine."

"Yay! We have a guest!" the giggly guy grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside. The others followed.

My wrist was released as the figures moved around the room, lighting candles and putting away tools.

I sat in a chair and watched as the house was slowly revealed to me.

I was sitting at the dining table which had six other chairs and to the right of the door, was an archway that led to the kitchen and straight ahead from where I sat was the common room with a fire place, three couches and an assortment of chairs.

On the far side of the room was a staircase that led to what I guessed were the bedrooms, I counted exactly eight doors. There was also a hall next to the bottom of the stairs but I had no idea where it could lead to.

All in all, it was a typical cozy cottage except for it being larger than normal and was the home to apparently crazy men who had the tendency to poke guests with pointy objects.

And now that there was light, I could finally see my hosts.

They were all tall and wore black pants, white shirts and vests. I could see slightly pointed ears poking through their messy mops of hair. So they weren't men.

Shovel-guy stuck his shovel in a closet and glared at me as he stomped across the room and plopped in a chair broodingly. Somehow I got a smug enjoyment out of his hatred for me even if I was scared he might kill me in my sleep.

"So, what brings you here stranger?" a deep voice that reminded me of nature asked and one of the men approached me. He had thick brown hair and was the only one of the seven with stubble.

"I'm currently taking a break from my insane family, I took a walk and ended up here after falling down the hill," I blushed and looked at the fireplace.

"Oh that hill is so tricky!" a voice I recognized as giggly guy laughed.

"Who is your family and why are you taking a break from them?" nature voice asked and I got the feeling he was probably the leader of the group. The ones with facial hair always seem to be.

"I'm Prince Slush, son of King Storm and Queen Rain and they're trying to trick a dolt prince into marrying me because he thinks I'm a girl." I explained and glared at Shovel-guy as he snorted. I threw the fork at him and it stuck in the wood of his chair barely inches from his face. His eyes widened and I smirked.

I always was good at darts.

"Oh, I like him, let's keep him!" the biggest guy said happily, smiling at Shovel-guy who was trying to wiggle his fork out of the chair.

"Yeah, hecankeepBinhisplace!" one said as he disappeared into the kitchen.

"That is an interesting predicament, I've never heard its like before and we've heard almost every sob story there is," the group grunted in agreement.

"Alright, you know who I am but who exactly are you, I can tell you aren't men." Shovel-guy sighed and Leader man sat next to me.

"We're dwarves," he said and held up a hand as my mouth opened, what was he psychic too? "We're dwarves but we're different."

"Um, yeah, most dwarves I know are short, hairy and ugly as sin," I smirked and pointed at Shovel-guy, "He's the only one who fits the description," the group burst out laughing while if possible, SG's glare increased ten-fold.

"Well, we all suffer from what Dwarves call Bishie. We were all born into regular dwarf families except we had the misfortune of being tall, beardless and handsome."

"Rotten luck and we got it twice in my family!" the big guy yelled and I winced.

Was I supposed to feel sorry for these dwarves, they were all strong and gorgeous, way better than a dirty miner.

"I'm sorry to hear that, are you guys miners like other dwarves?" I looked around the room as all seven of the anti-dwarves turned red.

"Uh, no we're not miners…we're uh, too tall to fit in the caves," none of them would look at me and I held back my laugh. Getting thrown out now would not be good.

"So what do you do instead?" I asked quickly to get rid of their embarrassment. They looked back at me surprised.

"We're farmers. Our fields are out back." I nodded and smiled, still not happy with this interrogation session.

"And who are you? May I know the names of my hosts?" I leaned my head on my hand and smirked at the group.

Leader guy smiled, brown eyes sparking, noting my sarcasm

"Well, I'm Timber," Leader guy stood and brushed off his green vest, his strong limbs pointing to giggly guy.

"That's Splash," Splash had brown hair and silver eyes, his vest was sky blue. Unlike the other Dwarbishies, he was smaller, more slender and his movements were quick and graceful like water. Splash waved from his perch on the couch.

"And next to him is Arid," Now where Splash was giggly and friendly, Arid seemed to be his exact opposite. Arid had red-sandy colored hair and sage green eyes that had lowered eyelids making him look emotionless. He looked up from his book and raised an eyebrow in greeting. His vest was orange.

"Over in the corner is Onyx," a dwarbishie I hadn't noticed yet, looked up through auburn waves and pierced me with black, stony eyes. He gave a shy smile and looked down, letting his hair cover his face. His vest was gray.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and almost cried out as I was suddenly attacked in a gigantic hug.

"And I'm Striker!" the hugger yelled in my ear before running over to the couch and cuddling against Splash, Arid glared at the speedster.

Striker had bright blond hair that stood on end like he had been electrified; he was gangly and slender like Splash. His vest was yellow.

"And over there is his twin, Boom," the big guy waved. He wasn't big in a chubby way just broader than the other Dwarbishies. He had blond hair like Striker but his was thick and fell straight to his shoulders. Both twins had honey-colored eyes. Boom's vest was purple.

"And lastly is your best friend Burnie," red eyes glared at me and he sank lower in his chair. His auburn hair was choppy and looked like flames when he moved. His vest was of course red.

"Nice to meet all of you," I said, "You all seem to have personalities unlike my sisters who you would probably kick out on sight. I'd actually encourage it." I ran a hand through my hair and smiled as I saw the stony Onyx smirk.

"Well Slush, in order for you to stay here, you'll have to earn your keep. Can you cook or clean?" Timber asked.

"I can't cook anything more than stew but I have a sister named Tornado, I know how to clean," I smiled.

"Good, I'mthecookandtheonethingIcan'tcookisstew!" Striker babbled from his spot. Why didn't it surprise me that he was the cook?

"We work all day and have to take extra time to clean so that works out well," Timber gave a small smile; his weathered skin reminded me of bark.

"Thank you, most people I know wouldn't let me stay," Burnie gave a derisive snort; I ignored him but planned to put a bucket of water above his door tomorrow.

"Our cousins are infamous for taking in guests, we normally don't, unless Splash is around," Splash gave a grin and a small giggle.

"Your cousins? You mean the ones who took in Snow White?" Timber looked surprised but nodded. "She's _my_ cousin."

Arid smirked, "Knew it."

"Hopefully you have more sense than that silly princess did," Burnie muttered.

"I pride myself on my sense," I shot back. Timber looked between me and Burnie and cleared his throat.

"Alright, we've all had a long day; let's get some sleep shall we?"

"Which is my room? There are seven of you and eight rooms," I said as the Dwarbishies stood.

"Seven for us, one guest room," Arid said shortly as he walked lazily up the stairs.

Burnie smirked, "The guest room is next to Boom's," Striker smiled.

"My brother snores." Oh great and again, why doesn't it surprise me?

"So does my sister," I smirked at their looks of shock.

"There are clothes in the wardrobe if you need," Splash gave me a smile and a tender hug, I almost wondered why until I saw him do the same to all the dwarves.

"Thank you," I wandered up the stairs after the Dwarbishies as they all disappeared into their separate rooms. I smirked as I saw each door was labeled with the inhabitant's name.

How quaint, I wonder if they had sharing circles too. Okay, I think that's the exhaustion talking.

I found Boom's door and went to the one next to it, it had no label.

I went inside and almost cried in relief at the huge comfy bed. I took a flying leap and curled into it gratefully.

Sleep took me instantly, I felt my eyelids lowering until a big thunder-like rumble jolted me awake. I looked around in panic then realized that the sound was Boom's snoring.

Oh joy.

I settled down into the bed, pulling the pillow over my head as another loud snore rang out.

Maybe I should have taken my chances with the darkness and monsters.

888

And ta-da, there are my dwarves. I took the idea of them being tall from Apple and Kiwi's Red Tales Book 2, an awesome read I highly recommend.

If you can't tell, each dwarf is named after an element or thing in nature. Timber = Tree, Splash = River, Arid = Desert (Arid means dry), Onyx = Rock, Striker and Boom = Lightning and Thunder, and Burnie = Fire.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry the middle wasn't very funny but describing the dwarves is hard to make humorous, I tried. More to come soon but only if you review.

If anyone would like to be the best person ever and maybe draw me a picture of the Dwarbishies, I'd be eternally grateful, just contact me if you decide to take up the challenge.

Also any jokes or ideas you have for this story would be awesome.

Thank you my lovelies and until next time.

Review and Read.


	3. In which the prince gets a pet

**Bishie is a term that means "beautiful man" for those who didn't know.**

**I would also like to point out that this is fairy tale land so things like pancakes and shampoo are allowed to exist and the author is too lazy to be historically accurate.**

**888**

"And then she broke the glass slipper and is stillincourt for mistakenidentity!" I laughed as Striker set a platter of pancakes on the table next to an array of sausages and poached eggs. The sausage they told me came from the Big Bad Wolf and the eggs were from Merry Men Farms. I'll give Robin Hood one thing; he knew how to poach eggs.

This was the first morning I could remember eating breakfast with someone instead of being holed up in the library while my sisters clawed at the door, begging me to come out and 'play'. Now, I'm not a hermit or anything but come on, you've seen my family or at least heard me gripe about them, they're horrible. But I digress.

"Was Cindy your last guest?" I asked, helping bring out the pitcher of fresh juice that came from their orchard out back.

Striker laughed and zoomed back into the kitchen, I looked at Timber, Splash and Onyx, the only other Dwarbishies who were up. I had yet to see Arid, Boom or Burnie.

"No, once upon a time, Cindy was our guest for only three days; she kept disappearing every night and came back at exactly midnight, strange girl. Obsessed with cleaning." Timber said, turning his attention back to what appeared to be an inventory of their crops.

"Our last guest was a girl named Rapunzel," Splash smiled, spinning his piece of charcoal around his fingers before adding something to the sketchpad in his lap.

"Poor girl, she told us about her mother who locked her up in a tower for trying to cut her hair!" Splash's face was so full of despair, I almost felt sympathy for that Rapoodle girl, I'd like to live in Splash's world for about ten minutes, I bet there were lots of rainbows.

"She also used up all our shampoo," Onyx muttered, not looking up from his cup of coffee.

"Still mad about that Onyx?" Striker was suddenly back in the room with a plate of toast and jam. "Youreallycanbeasstubbornasarock!" Onyx blushed and gave Striker a shy smile.

"Well, I am a dwarf," he said and Striker grinned, setting down the toast and then sitting down himself.

I looked between the two and wondered how I should phrase my question…

"Are you two a couple?"

Okay…that's a bit more direct than I wanted and now they're looking at me like I'm crazy, will the torches and pitchforks be next?

"Whatgaveyouthatidea?" Striker asked with a laugh while Onyx stared wide-eyed at his cup, his face as red as a red red rose.

"I'm sorry, but am I wrong?" I suddenly found my empty plate very interesting.

"Yeah," Timber spoke up with a slight chuckle, "We all like women…well all of us except for Splash," Splash gave a small smile over his sketchpad.

"And Arid," Onyx said quietly, "He doesn't seem to like anybody…"

Striker put his hand over his mouth and whispered so only I could hear. "Except Splash," he chuckled and I smirked. A dry bore like Arid liking someone as flamboyant as Splash? Yeah right, that's as likely as the day I have the same fate as Snow White.

"What's that about Arid?" the plates clattered on the table as big footsteps echoed through the cottage and Boom made his way down the stairs. Did his voice only have one decibel?

"Oh nothing dear twin of mine," Striker smiled and started putting food on plates. I grabbed the pitcher and poured myself a glass of juice.

Mmm, pear, my favorite.

"Morning Slush! Did I bother you too much last night?" Boom asked as he sat heavily in the chair next to me. I gave a wry smile.

"Oh not too much, I managed to get some sleep after I stuffed some candlesticks in my ears." The dwarves laughed and I helped myself to some pancakes.

Everyone followed suit and soon we were all eating happily until I almost choked on my fork as Splash gave out a squeal of delight.

"Good morning Arid!" Splash jumped up and hugged the red-head who actually returned it lightly before Splash dragged him to the table. Arid nodded his hello to everyone before grabbing some toast. How predictable. Arid pulled a book out of his belt and began reading.

"Okay so there's Boom and Arid, that just leaves," Timber smirked and as if on cue, a string of curses broke out upstairs.

"Grimm!" Burnie appeared at the top of the stairs and the entire room (minus Arid but that goes without saying) burst out laughing. He was dripping wet from head to toe.

He held up an empty bucket and swiped wet locks out of his eyes.

"Who did this?! Who put this bucket above my door?!"

I stood and bowed and the laughter grew, even Arid managed a smirk.

"Maybe that will cool you down, you hothead!" I smiled triumphantly and Burnie threw the bucket down the stairs before stomping back to his room to change.

"Is he gonna kill me now?" I asked when the laughter quieted down.

"Oh no," Timber smiled reassuringly, "Burnie will flare up but eventually he'll probably respect you for standing up to him."

"ButI'dwatchyourbackforawhile," Striker smiled, he would probably take joy in my humiliation.

"Yeah, Burn might try to prank you back," Boom said.

"I can handle it," Boom and Onyx looked at me doubtfully but I just smiled.

What? It's not like I was some damsel in distress who couldn't take care of herself…I mean, himself…

-

"Thanks so much Slush!" Splash gave me a hug as all the Dwarbishies headed out the door to tend their fields.

"We'll be back in a few hours for lunch," Timber said.

"Don't let any fairy tales in." Arid didn't even look up from his book.

"Yeah, ones enough," Burnie mumbled.

"Love you too Burn," I rolled my eyes and watched as my hosts departed.

…

Mwahaha, now I had the house all to myself! No sisters or parents or dunderheads!

I ran up to my room and did a little dance of joy. So what if I had to clean? It couldn't be that hard.

I twirled over to the wash basin and stripped out of my clothes, giving the dirty garments a look of disgust. They still had scraps of pink lace sticking to them and they were ripped from my fall. I threw the leggings and undershirt near the door, planning to use them for dusting.

I scooped some water into my hands and began washing my face. I took a cloth and a cake of soap and tried to wash everything else.

Soon, I stood in front of the wardrobe, mulling over my choices. It looked like it was full of clothes that the Dwarbishies had grown out of. I smirked, being able to guess what had belonged to whom. Splash's old clothes were all bright and Striker's were covered in wild patterns.

I finally decided on a plain brown tunic and black leggings, that way, I wouldn't match any of the dwarves since they all seemed to have specific colors.

I slid on my boots and picked up my old clothes.

"And now to earn my keep," I sighed and closed my bedroom door.

I looked at all the doors and smiled as I studied the labels I had noticed last night.

Boom's name was sticking out of the door, bold and loud.

Striker's name was carved in a jagged zig-zag-like script

Burnie's name looked like it had been (not surprisingly) burned into the door with a hot poker.

Arid's label was on a nameplate in nice neat lettering, simple and boring.

Splash's door had personality, his name was carved in swirly writing and the door had sketches all over it that Splash had probably painted himself.

Timber's door just had his name carved in it but a little circle of leaves surrounded the letters.

I wonder what they would do if I took a knife and carved the word 'dungeon' into my door. Maybe it would solve their annoying guest problem.

I set my rags next to the fireplace and looked around, wondering what chore to do first but then my eyes noticed that hall by the stairs.

Curiouser and Curiouser.

I crept towards the hall and looked down it; it was short with a plain door at the end. I smirked as I saw the door had a sign that said 'Analyze'

I think I just found the study.

I opened the door and didn't even have time to hold back my gasp. Now I knew why the cottage was so big other than the Dwarbishies size.

They had a castle-size library! I don't care if you think I'm exaggerating or not, I had died and gone to heaven.

Walls of books and huge chairs with pillows for comfortable reading and no sisters to invade its silence. Yep, heaven.

Chores could wait a few hours…or days' right?

I picked a book off a shelf and settled down to read.

-

"_And so the stepmother pushed the beautiful girl out of the wagon-"_

A knock sounded at the door and I looked up in panic, but then my suspense of the book simmered down and I heard a knock again.

I marked my page and headed towards the front of the cottage, if it was a girl saying her husband was a murderer or a witch selling fat-free gingerbread, I swear I was gonna scream.

"Hello? Timber? Aw come on, you guys can't be working _all_ the time!" the knocking increased and I threw open the door, causing the knocker to stumble.

I put a hand on my hip, leaning against the door and glared at the intruder.

"Oh," he looked up at me, "You're definitely not one of the dwarves…"

"Good observation skills you got there," I rolled my eyes and the intruder straightened, muttering apologies. My mouth fell open and I felt my cheeks heat up.

Holy Much-Better-Looking-Than-Dunderhead

He had wavy black hair that ended above his ears and eyes the color of a rare blue moon. He had a rounded face and pointy nose and was slim but apparently had some muscle. But what drew my eyes to him was where a pair of fleshy human ears should have been, he had fluffy black cat ears. About the size of my palm with little white tufts on the inside. And I saw an elegant black tail, whipping out behind him.

He was a cat man! I wanted to pet him!

Ahem…I mean, he was okay looking. My sisters would wrinkle their noses in disgust at his plain looks and freak tail which just meant he was all the more appealing to me. I like imperfections remember?

I shook my head and got rid of those thoughts, I was on strike from guys, no matter how pettable they looked.

"I'm gonna guess that you're a guest of theirs?" Cat man spoke, tugging at a piercing in his ear, I tried not to laugh as the image of a real cat with a piercing came to mind.

"Two for two, you're a genius," I smirked and looked him up and down, taking in the black leggings and purple tunic that was gathered at the sleeves and neck, making it look like something I had read about called a toga I think. The focal point of his outfit though was a pair of thigh-high gray boots engraved with golden swirling patterns.

"Thank you, I try," he bowed dramatically and I was actually nice enough to not roll my eyes.

"I will also guess that the dwarves are out in the fields?" he rested his hand on the hilt of his sword that was tied to his belt.

"You're dazzling me with your intellect, good sir," I put a hand to my heart and fluttered my eyelashes, the guy smirked and his cheeks tinted pink.

"I know. I'm perfect," he held out his hand for me to shake. I raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse me? Perfect is hardly the term I'd use to describe you," gorgeous maybe but I'm getting off topic.

His hand fell to his side as he grinned, "I think you misunderstand me, I was introducing myself. You're not the first to get confused. My name is Purr, while my surname is Fect," he explained.

"Purr Fect?" I asked and gripped the doorknob so I wouldn't smack myself in the head. His _name_ was Perfect?! Grimm, just kill me now.

"May I know your name?" Mr. Fect reached out and grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips. I yanked it out of his grip.

"I'm Slush," I mumbled, rubbing my hand, trying to get the feeling of his lips off it.

Purr smiled, "Is that short for Sluscious?" he asked, looking me up and down.

Well then. At least he didn't think I was a girl.

"Sluscious? Are you always such a charmer?" I said, denying the voice that said he was better than Dunder although a rabid griffin could be better than Dunder so that wasn't saying much.

"My ex thought I was, the Marquis of Carabas, although he left me for a miller's daughter so I'm not sure his opinion counts," Purr shrugged and crossed his arms, looking embarrassed. I decided a change of subject was in order.

"So you're looking for the Dwarbishies?" I asked and Purr's eyes widened and he smiled.

"I've never heard them called that before,"

"Well, yeah, I'd never call them that to their faces," I scratched my cheek and studied the designs on the door.

"Yeah," Purr chuckled, "I was hoping to visit them, that is, until I met you," he winked at me and I snapped upright, seized the door and slammed it in his face.

The nerve! Strike against men, I reminded myself and stomped into the kitchen, deciding my first chore would be cleaning dishes. I pumped water into the sink and grabbed the soap and brush.

I scrubbed at a bowl, imagining it was Mr. Purr Fect's stupid face.

"Stupid egotistical pervert," I seethed.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you it wasn't nice to call people names?" I dropped the brush and bowl into the sink as I felt the thin blade of a sword along my jaw line. I turned slowly to see Purr, watching me with half-lidded eyes along the length of his blade.

"No, actually she encouraged it," I swallowed and Purr chuckled, his voice rich like chocolate. He moved the blade in a feather-light tickle down to my chin, propping it up on the tip and lifting my head as if appraising me.

"Never shut the door on someone who has a key," he held up aforementioned item and sheathed his sword, my hand went up to massage my jaw.

"Well, the dwarves told me not to let in any fairy tales so I was just following orders," I said nonchalantly and turned with a shrug back to the sink. Purr laughed again and a shiver went down my spine. Stupid hormones.

"So apparently you know the dwarves if you have a key?" I asked over my shoulder as I started scrubbing dishes again.

"Yes, I live in a house about a half mile from here, I do odd jobs for people in the village," he leaned against the wall behind him and his ears flattened as he looked at me shyly. "I can leave if you don't want me here," I stopped scrubbing and looked at him.

"Make yourself useful," I tossed the brush at him and grabbed a rag.

He caught the brush deftly and came to stand next to me, giving a small hiss at the sight of the water-filled sink. So apparently he had the habits of a cat as well?

He sighed and dramatically plunged his hand in the water and pulled out a dish.

"So you know how I am friends with the dwarves, how do you know them? What's your story?" he asked as he started cleaning, his tail moving lazily through the air and occasionally brushing my leg though whether intentional or not, I couldn't guess.

"My parents are sadists, my sisters are annoying and my intended is a blockhead so I decided to leave home for a while, they won't miss me. I walked through the woods and stumbled upon the cottage and the dwarves grudgingly let me stay," I explained.

"Yeah, they don't take too kindly to fairy tales," Purr smiled.

"I'm not a fairy tale. No fairy tale has ever had my kind of luck."

"Maybe you are a fairy tale, your story is just in progress," Purr shrugged and I flicked a bit of bubbles at his cheek. He smirked and wiped it off.

"If that's true, does that mean Prince Dunder will be coming to whisk me off into the sunset after saving me from an ugly yet entirely innocent troll?"

"Parody, I hope not," Purr shook his head then looked at me, "Wait, Prince Dunder is your intended?"

"Unfortunately. You know him?"

"Unfortunately. I…made his acquaintance once…" Purr looked at the ceiling and I raised an eyebrow.

"What are you like his long-lost brother or something?" I joked but my smile vanished when Purr's serious gaze struck me.

"No way…" I whispered as Purr continued to stare until slowly a smirk crawled onto his features.

"Sluscious, you've read way too many clichés," he burst out laughing as I turned rose red.

"Don't call me Sluscious," I said and hit him with the wet rag. He looked at me in fake shock before going into a fighting stance, brandishing the soapy brush.

"Enguarde!" he smiled and I actually returned it, getting into my own stance, waving the rag like a whip.

He lunged but I dodged and for once, clumsiness didn't overtake me. I smacked him with the rag and he scowled. He tried again but I still evaded him and got in another hit.

I thought I might actually win until his tail curled around my ankle and pulled me down. I whipped the rag and it caught his wrist, causing him to fall with me.

Hans Christian Anderson! He was straddling me!

"Get off," I tried pushing him but he grinned down at me, ears perked up and tail serpentining happily.

"But I like it here," his finger flicked my nose and I pouted.

"Please, get off," I gave him my best sad eyes and he sighed, getting up and offering me a hand, I took it and scrambled upright, trying to banish the screaming girly thoughts about our previous position.

"Why do I always have to be a gentleman?" he rubbed the back of his neck and I snorted, stepping back over to the sink.

"Because the world hates you and wants you to be unhappy," I grinned mockingly at him and he smirked.

"Thanks."

"No problem," I winked and finished off the last of the dirty dishes.

Purr sighed again and went through the arch to the common room. I dried my hands and followed him. He sat down in an armchair by the empty fireplace while I went to the library to retrieve my interrupted book.

I sat down in the chair next to his and tucked my legs underneath me, opening the book to my marked page. Purr cocked his head to the side to read the title and smiled.

"I-"

"Hey!What'sgoingon!" Striker was all of the sudden right next to my chair, peering at me cheerfully.

"Lunch time already?" I asked and Striker nodded then seemed to notice our 'guest'

"OhHeyPurr,didn'tknowyou'dbestoppingby," he shook Purr's hand and the cat man smiled.

"Was going to get a book Arid recommended," Purr said, "Then had the pleasure of meeting your guest," I stuck my tongue out at him, his smile just grew.

"Yeah, he'sgreat," Striker said before disappearing into the kitchen. I'd have to ask him how he did that.

"I'm having trouble," Purr threaded his fingers together and crossed his legs, his boots rubbing together smoothly.

"With what? Thinking? Stop or you'll make your head hurt," my eyes went back to my book as Purr smirked.

"Oh, like yours does all the time?" I glared at him over my book.

"Only when I look at you."

"Touché. I'm having trouble figuring you out," I lowered my book warily.

"What? Am I really this amazing? Yes." I smirked and Purr shook his head as he chuckled.

"No, how can you put up this cold façade _and_ have play swordfights in a kitchen?"

"Because I'm not really cold?" I guessed, setting my book down, Purr leaned closer.

"I'd like to see you warm up," he smiled, his ears flicking back and forth, I glared to avoid looking at his lips.

"Well-"

"Purr!" Splash cried in joy, Purr sat back in surprise and stood to prepare for the blue-vested man's hug.

"Oh hello Purr, did we know you were stopping by?" Timber walked in, followed closely by the remaining four Dwarbishies.

"No, surprise visit Tim, Arid had a book for me." Arid looked up at the sound of his name before nodding and heading in the direction of the library. He glanced at the book I held as he passed and gave a hint of a smile.

"Good choice," Arid said before continuing on his way. I smiled, in a weird way that felt like a huge honor. I needed to go live with some sane people…

"Are you staying long?" Boom asked with a friendly smile. Purr glanced at me.

"I don't think-"

"Oh stay for lunch! Then you can help us in the orchard and then stay for dinner too!" Splash piped up unhelpfully, I felt like kicking him but that would be like kicking a puppy, you just can't.

I looked at Purr, say no say no say no.

Purr's tail whipped back and forth and he gave me a feral smile. Say no.

"I have to stay if you're promising food," he said to the dwarves delight and to my horror.

Parody, kill me now.

Dunder was looking better and better.

Purr licked his lips and winked at me.

Damn him. Damn me. Damn my freaking hormones.

888

Now you've met Purr. Can you guess what fairy tale he's parodying? A cookie to whoever guesses it!

Sorry for the lack of dwarves in this chapter, they'll be in the next ones more often.

I'm sorry to say this will be the last chapter for a bit. I'm going on vacation this weekend and won't be back for a week but I will try to write out the next chapter while I'm gone and then post it when I get back it. We'll see.

Thank you my lovely readers. If you have any questions about obscure references I made, just ask. Like poached eggs by Robin Hood, poach also means to steal, get it?

Please review and I'll see you soon.


	4. Timber

**A break from the storyline to focus on the Dwarbishies. 1****st**** of 7 breaks (obviously)**

**Enjoy.**

_~Intermission~_

_Timber_

A strong wind blew through the branches, dislodging a few leaves that twirled through the air, gracefully heading towards the forest floor.

I smiled as I looked at the world around me, a squirrel gathering nuts, some birds feeding their babies in a nest and the sound of leaves rustling as they changed from emerald green to a nice array of golds and oranges.

I could live my entire life in the forest and never tire of it, it's where I felt I belonged, I looked at my hands, it's where I couldn't be judged.

"Timber! Where are you? It's almost time for supper!" I peered through the branches of the tree I sat in and saw my mother at its base, head turning in every direction as she searched for me.

I began my climb down, "Right here mum!" I called and jumped to land at her feet. She looked up at me with a big smile, her thick brown hair frizzing around her pudgy face. She reached a dirt-covered hand up to pick a leaf out of my hair and tucked it in the belt of her grungy uniform. Parody, my mum was a beautiful dwarf.

"Spend your day in the trees again?" she clucked her tongue and smiled at me before heading down the path towards home.

"I'm only thirteen mum, I can't work yet," I smiled and made sure to slow my pace so I wouldn't stride past her.

"I know my sweet, but you'll begin training soon," she said proudly and I blushed. What would mum think if she knew I didn't want to be a miner? I didn't like being in the dark caves, I preferred open air. And at 13 years old I was already taller than most dwarves, what would happen when I was full grown, would I even be able to fit in the caves?

"Mossy! Did you find him yet? Was he in those bloody trees again?" I sighed as we left the canopy of trees and the rocky hills came into view, the hills that were the home of my clan. Right outside the tunnel stood my dad, who hated nature almost as much as he hated elves, I swear he was part mole and as you can imagine, a tall son who preferred wood over rock was a major disappointment.

"Yes Woodland, I found him and I still can't figure out what you've got against trees, we use them for our work too!" I could always count on my mother to defend me and nature in general.

My father scowled but reached to pat my shoulder, "All that climbing makes you pretty strong doesn't it?" he gave a ghost of a smile and disappeared into the tunnels, my mother squeezed my arm and followed. I gave one last look at the sun before squaring my shoulders and going into the darkness.

"How was work today mum?" I asked, taking her hand as we walked and resting my chin on top of her head which she hated but tolerated.

"It was fine dear, my shoulder aches from swinging my pick so much but I found a lot of diamonds today.

"That's good mum!" I smiled and kissed her head, she gave a small laugh.

"And what about you dad?" he looked at me over his shoulder and his thick beard twitched as he pursed his lips.

"It was typical, got a whole new load of coal to send out to those humans, stupid creatures," he muttered, I felt it useless to point out that without humans, we wouldn't have our biggest customer.

"Woodland!" a dwarf came walking briskly from another tunnel, my father turned to him urgently. My dad was the leader of our clan.

"There's been a small collapse in tunnel IVXX, the captain is asking for you," my dad sighed and followed the other dwarf quickly. My mother shook her head and continued walking.

This was another reason I longed to be in the forest, mining was dangerous, collapses were common and dwarves were as stubborn as the rock they mined.

I almost hoped that when the day came that I was too big for the tunnels, my parents would politely suggest, I get a different occupation so I wouldn't have to break their hearts.

"Oh hello Lumber," my mother smiled as a familiar face came out of an adjoining tunnel close to our home.

I smiled down at my older brother, "Hi Lumber," he stared up at me with his face that looked identical to mine except for his fluffy beard that had started growing two years ago. I hoped to have a beard like my brothers someday.

"Hey Timber, how's the forest, hiding behind your toadstools?" I punched his shoulder and he grinned, handing me his pick and stretching his tired shoulders.

I held the pick protectively and wished I could like mining as much as Lumber did.

"Hey Tim, I have a day off tomorrow, maybe you could show me your precious trees? I'd like to see what you like so much about them," Lumber smiled up at me and I couldn't believe someone five years my senior would want to hang out with his kid brother.

"Sure," I smiled broadly, "That'd be great Lum," he slung an arm around my shoulders and jumped to give me a noogie.

"Alright, that's enough boys, let's go get dinner," my mother led us into our cave, Lumber still teasing me as we went.

"Hey, just remember I'm bigger than you Lum!"

"Oh, I'm soo scared; bring it on nature-boy!"

-

I sighed as I sat on the barstool and waved the barkeep over; he stopped cleaning his dirty mugs and headed my way, scratching his scraggly beard as he went.

"What can I get for ya Mr. Elf?" he asked, his bald head catching the candle light. How was I always mistaken for an elf? I was neither elegant nor aristocratic.

"Just mead," I said and turned away from him to watch the small gathering of people in the tavern.

There were all the typical farmers, wenches and merchants. A few dwarves from my clan had actually ventured out to hear the local gossip and tell some tales around the fire over a pint.

I smiled as one I recognized as a dwarf on my father's council, walked unsteadily towards me, seems he had decided to get smashed after a meeting with my dad. He could be a brutal negotiator.

"Ello Timber," he said, his dark eyes glittering through a mane of thick gray hair.

"Hello Birch, how have you been?" I put a hand on his shoulder, more to steady him than out of politeness.

"I've been good my boy, the mines are doing well also, of course your father is a very good leader."

"I know," I smiled tenderly while Birch hiccupped.

"And how are you my boy? How has it been living out here? It seems like only yesterday, you were sneaking into your father's meetings, how old are you again?" Birch looked at me curiously.

"I'm 20 now and it's been great Birch; I just bought a cottage that I'll be sharing with my friends Burnie, Striker and Boom, they're dwarves just like me, we're planning on starting a farm maybe," I explained and Birch's brow creased.

"Farming?" he hiccupped, "That's much different from mining, how can you stand so much sun?" he questioned and I just laughed.

"Very easily Birch, you have no idea," I patted his shoulder and he wobbled.

"Okay, take care Timber, my boy, I'll tell your father you're doing well hmm?" he nodded and stumbled out of the tavern.

Of course, my father already knew I was doing well, we kept in touch constantly and he hadn't disowned me like I always thought he would. I'd finally been able to stand up to my dad and tell him I didn't want to be a miner and he accepted it much easier than I thought, my mother probably had something to do with it I'd bet.

The sound of someone being slapped resounded throughout the tavern and I watched a young lady walk out of the building before my eyes traveled to what had caused the outburst. I rolled my eyes when I spotted Striker rubbing his sore cheek.

I grabbed my cup of mead and walked over to my friend.

"What did you do to the poor creature?" I asked and Striker looked at me with wounded eyes.

"I did nothing except compliment her on her beautiful…eyes…" he looked at the ceiling and grinned and I smirked.

"Sure ya did, what color were they?" I chuckled as his face went blank. I'd met Striker and Boom five years ago when father had taken me to the market near the Clash Dwarf territory. We'd been friends ever since.

"What did Strike do now?" a loud voice asked behind me and I turned to Boom who had an amused smirk on his rough features identical to his brothers, good thing they were different sizes and temperaments, otherwise I wouldn't be able to tell them apart.

"I didn't do anything!" Striker whined but immediately stopped when he was smacked in the head by the remaining quarter of our group.

"Shut up you great ninny," Burnie muttered ignoring Striker's glare.

"What is it, beat up Striker night?" the blond pouted and his brother put an arm around him.

"Oh Tim, you know how we were looking for more help on starting our farm?" Boom asked suddenly and I blinked but nodded.

"I just met some guys who can help and they're Bishie dwarves too!" he smiled excitedly and my eyes widened.

"Where are they?" I asked and Boom pointed to a corner table. I peered through the crowd and spotted the group Boom had indicated.

Three men sat there, looking like the most misfit group I'd ever seen. The tallest of the three was ignoring the other two by reading a small leather-bound book.

The one in the middle was looking around the tavern, blushing when he saw a pretty girl while the last one chattered at the blusher and looked at Boom through half-lidded eyes.

"Are they friends?" I asked.

"Well the two talking are, the one that's reading is a loner, I found him outside and convinced him to come in to chat," Boom explained.

"Okay, well then, let's go chat," I set my empty cup on the bar and walked over to my could-be future housemates.

-

I smiled as I covered the last of the seeds in soil and stepped back to admire my work. All the crops were planted and in a few months would be grown and ready for harvesting.

Our first crop.

I couldn't wait.

"Hey Tim! Where do you want these tools?" Boom called, holding up a crate.

"That goes in Burnie's workshop!" I answered and watched him walk towards the newly built smithy.

I looked around the rest of our land and smiled at the sight of the hyperactive Splash, elbow deep in dirt as he planned out his dream garden, talking to the uninterested Arid who kept glaring at the brunette.

Striker was helping Onyx with the livestock and Burnie was yelling at Boom to hurry up.

Yeah, we were an odd bunch but as I studied our new home, I knew this would work.

And best yet, I wasn't trapped in some cave.

I was out in the shining sunlight.

888

And there is my first side story. Hope you enjoyed this look into Timber's life, he's the luckiest when it comes to being discriminated by other dwarves, he didn't have much teasing except from his brother. This obviously takes place when the Dwarbishies first moved in together; about five years before Slush comes along so all the dwarves are around 25 years old. And yes, Splash had a crush on Boom when they first met but it slowly fizzled into friendship so no worries. ^_^

Please review, next chapter coming soon!

Ta-ta my lovelies.


	5. In which the prince gets eaten

**I'm back from vacation, had a wonderful time and was able to come up with a plot for this next chapter. Go me! Hope you enjoy it and thanks to my friends for their support and ideas and also thanks to you lovely reviewers, you keep me writing. Kudos and cookies to you, here, have a story too.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I still own this unless someone is willing to buy it off me?**

**888**

"Rise and shine Sleeping Beauty!" I pulled the pillow over my head and tried to ignore Splash's chipper greeting.

"She's my cousin," I mumbled and turned over, tugging the quilt under my chin.

"Don't be like my friend's Uncle Rip who tried to sleep for a century!" Splash jiggled my shoulder and I glared at him through sleep-glazed eyes, as I had learned over the past month, it was useless to snub Splash, it never worked (if it did, it usually involved teary silver eyes and a silent threat from a certain red-head).

"But as your maid, I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn," I tried weakly even though I knew that if one of the Dwarbishies was waking me up, it had to be for a reason.

"You're not cleaning or escaping to the library today," Splash sat on the edge of my bed, his bright grin too happy for my tired mood. I sat up grudgingly and pushed some red curls off my forehead.

"Why not?" I had been looking forward to reading about Yriaf Elat's long and stupid history today (to see if maybe somehow I had been adopted and had a smart family somewhere).

Splash's grin was going to break his face in two, "You're gonna work with us today!" I fell back against my pillow with a groan.

"Did I do something wrong?" I rubbed my itchy sleep-covered eyes.

Splash's brow creased in confusion, "No, Timber just thinks that after a month of living here, you should see what we do," he explained and I felt like throttling him but again the puppy thing. Splash was just too likable even for a 'cheery' fellow like me.

"Answer one thing, is Timber a sadist?" I threw the covers aside, resigning to the fates apparently not wanting to let me sleep in. Stupid Destiny, it could kiss my a-

"What? No! Timber's the nicest guy ever!" Splash exclaimed and I smiled, no one could do any wrong in Splash's eyes. "Striker is a slight sadist and maybe Burnie but none of us are ever mean."

"Alright Splash, I'll meet you down there," Splash grinned and ran out with a slight giggle.

I shook my head; it was kinda nice having a little brother. But as soon as any semblance of Splash being here left, my melancholy came back.

I opened my wardrobe and grabbed my usual brown tunic, glaring at the clothing and then at the rising sun out my window. I wasn't a morning person, can you tell?

I slipped on my clothes and then went to the wash basin to clean my face. I admired the stubble I had started growing, in a house where none of the inhabitants could grow facial hair, this was quite an accomplishment. And hey, with stubble even Dunder couldn't call me a girl…actually that's giving him way too much credit; he'd probably think it was toast crumbs or something…

I gave one last look to my comfy bed and one last curse to Timber's name before marching downstairs where all seven Dwarbishies were already eating breakfast.

"Hey Slush!" Boom waved, I gave a small smile in return.

"Whatdoyouwantforbreakfast?" Striker asked, handing me an empty plate. I took it and nudged Burnie out of my way to get at the bowl of boiled eggs. We still didn't see eye to eye even after a month but at least the prank war had stopped, Timber had been worried we'd make the cottage explode.

"So Splash actually managed to convince you to join us?" Timber asked, biting a piece of bacon as I sat down between him and Onyx (who as usual hid behind his hair and stared at his plate)

"More or less," I grumbled, stabbing a sausage with my fork, only rarely did I get up early enough to eat with the Dwarbishies; Striker usually left me a plate of leftovers.

"Well, I'm glad, we don't generally bring our guests out to work with us," Timber smiled and scratched his goatee-covered chin.

"That's cuz they're usually gone by now," Burnie mumbled before getting hit in the head by a roll. Splash glared at the hothead disapprovingly, Splash hated fighting.

"Remember Burn that Slush is different from the typical drivel that comes here," Arid spoke up from where he was leaning back in his chair, beloved book tucked away for once, and emotionless green eyes watching Burnie levelly.

I didn't know what to say about the genius book reader defending me so I just picked at my bowl of berries but felt my cheeks heat up, it was weird and…nice being accepted…Grimm, listen to me, I'm starting to sound like Sunny. It. Must. Stop.

"So Slush, does that sound good?" Timber looked at me questioningly and I snapped out of my thoughts. Great, I was acting more like my sisters everyday, how did that happen?

"Sorry, didn't catch the question, I was distracted by Burnie's ugliness," I dodged the egg thrown in my direction and almost slipped out of my chair but managed to catch myself and keep my eyes on Timber who was chuckling.

"Well, you'll be working with the twins today, is that alright?" I looked over at Boom who was swallowing boiled eggs whole and Striker who was chopping sausages so fast, the knife was a blur. I ran a hand through my hair.

"Sounds fine to me," the twins were actually the ones I got along best with even if they did scare the princely bravery right out of me. All the Dwarbishies scared me on a regular basis.

Why was I staying here again?

-

"Okay boys, let's head out," Timber waved an arm and walked around the corner of the house, the rest of us following him.

Burnie hefted that stupid shovel over his shoulder and walked next to Onyx, both of them talking quietly. Splash grinned and jumped on Arid's back and Arid actually held onto the smaller man's legs to keep him from slipping. Splash giggled and I thought I saw Arid give a small smile but it was gone before I could be sure.

"So, you're working with us huh?!" two voices rang in my ears before I almost fell as two arms, one meaty and the other bony, landed heavily on my shoulders. I looked back and forth at the two twins I was sandwiched between as we walked.

"I guess so," I said and blew air at my forehead to move some pesky hairs, "Should I be scared?"

Boom laughed and smacked my shoulder he was holding, I almost thought I heard it break.

"No, we'll be nice," Striker's smile was not reassuring.

"Besides, you're only working till lunch then you can stay back at the cottage," Boom said.

"Thatremindsme," Striker put his free hand to his chin, his other hand still clutching my shoulder. "Ineedtosetanextraplateforlunch."

"Why's that?" I asked even though I thought I could guess.

"Purr said he might stop by today," Striker grinned but didn't look at me and his grin only grew when I smacked my forehead in frustration.

That stupid feline was coming?! Argh! Ever since that first day, Purr had been on every single one of my nerves. He was so infuriating, always flirting with me and then later apologizing for his rudeness. And my stupid hormones made me want to flirt back and do other very naughty things even though I was so against it, I mean, it was Purr. Why would I waste my time with a pest like him? The worst thing though was, Splash had noticed Purr's interest in me and was convinced we were perfect for each other. So now, every time the cat man came over, Splash would try everything he could to get us together. So annoying! Couldn't he see I didn't like Purr?! Even with those sexy furry ears and intense blue eyes and funny personality…

Ahem. I blinked and focused back on Striker who was still grinning. I whacked his head and smirked as that grin turned into a scowl.

"Don'tmakemeputyouonRotduty!" he removed his arm and darted ahead of us. Boom smiled.

"He's kidding, as you may have noticed, he jumps to conclusions," I smiled up at the big dwarf.

"Yeah, I noticed," All the Dwarbishies were pretty easy to figure out.

I looked away from Boom and finally took in where we were walking.

To the side of the cottage was a copse of trees with a path in between the structure and the woods which we were walking on. It was shady which was a blessing compared with the blinding sunshine at the end of the path

Patches of weeds and dandelions grew next to the cottage along with a few mushrooms. I thought I saw a small girl running after a smoking butterfly but when I looked closer, I saw only the dandelions roaring at each other.

I looked back up as I stumbled over a rock; Boom steadied me with a friendly smile, I returned it sourly, stupid clumsiness.

I blinked as we left the path and stepped into the early morning sunshine; I shielded my eyes with my hand and actually grinned at the sight of the Dwarbishies farm.

To the left was a huge garden, full of every flower and spice imaginable, Splash jumped off Arid's back and headed towards the plants while Arid followed Timber to the tilled soil where I saw rows of green things starting to sprout, each row labeled with a picture of whatever was growing there. Past the flowers and fields was an orchard where I already saw Striker putting a ladder against what looked like an apple tree.

Onyx and Burnie continued walking towards two buildings, one was probably a barn, and the other had a chimney.

Boom patted my shoulder and ambled over to his brother, I followed still looking around appreciatively.

"So this is what you guys do all day? And here I thought you just came out here to talk shit about me," I smirked and so did Striker.

"Oh we're able to do that while working," he said and climbed the ladder while Boom grabbed two baskets and handed one to me.

"So what do you all do? Seems like you have specific jobs," I said, Boom nodded.

"Well, Timber works the crops, Arid helps and records all the growth information and stuff like that. Splash tends the flowers, he has the same way with flowers that he does with people, our blooms are the best in the area." I smiled, not surprised at all.

"We work the orchards, tending the trees and today, the apples are ready for picking so Strike will toss them down for us to catch in the baskets," I looked up at Striker warily, his name very suiting since I knew he would try to bean me in the head with a fruit.

"And Onyx and Hothead?" I asked, keeping an eye on Striker and any falling apples.

Striker poked his head out from the thick branches and I realized he was hanging upside down on the topmost branch.

"Onyx takes care of the sheep and cattle, they're the only creatures he isn't shy around," the blond laughed, "And Burn is our blacksmith, he makes and mends tools. He made all our silverware."

That explained his protectiveness over that idiotic fork when I first got here…

"Ow, watch where you toss those apples Striker!"

"You watch where I'm tossing!" he yelled back as I picked up the apple that had hit me and put it in my basket.

-

Soon we had enough apples to put Snow asleep for an eternity no matter how many true loves kissed her. Or to put it in simpler terms, four baskets of the tantalizing fruit. Of course, thanks to Snow's blunder, I hated apples and much preferred pears.

"Hey Strike?" Boom set down his basket and scratched his cheek, Striker's head popped out of the foliage.

"Yeah?"

"I'm getting kinda hungry," Boom blushed and Striker smiled tenderly.

"Okay brother dear, ready to go back Slush?" I set down my basket and stretched, feeling the bones in my back pop pleasantly.

"Sure, I want to get back to that book on- I mean, dust the mantelpiece," I smiled and Striker shook his head, climbing out of the tree and grabbing my wrist before taking off towards the cottage. How did this guy move so fast?

I managed to pull my wrist out of his grip before he ripped the appendage off and walked after the speedster leisurely.

"Tell Striky, I want apple tarts!" Splash waved from where he stood next to some very tall sunflowers.

"With caramel glaze?!" I called.

"It wouldn't be a good tart without caramel!" I laughed and waved at the brunette before following Striker who was waiting impatiently by the path.

"Sorry to keep you your majesty," I bowed mockingly and Striker smirked.

"Shouldn't I be calling you that?" I stuck out my tongue.

"Grimm no, I get enough of that at home and you see how well that went," Striker laughed and we walked towards the front of the cottage discussing what we should prepare for lunch.

I was the first to stop when the door came into sight and Striker peered around me curiously. I heard him gasp.

Everything looked normal, the rough red wood and polished doorknob but what made us gape was a small dog sized hole in the bottom of the door. The wood splintered around the hole and looked oddly like bite marks.

Striker's eyes set in a glare and he marched up to the door to see who or what had invaded his home.

I rushed up behind him, looking around for something that could pose as a weapon but only saw flowers, yeah that's helpful.

Striker unlocked the door and flung the door open.

I had expected a wolf or maybe a giant termite or even a very determined crab. What I hadn't expected were two overweight children…chewing on chair legs.

"How did you brats get in here?" Striker ran a hand through his spiky hair.

The children looked up from their woody snacks and blinked innocently, they were both blond, their hair in ringlets around their chubby faces. Their clothes may have fit them once but the buttons were straining and a few seams were broken.

"We were looking for gingerbread," the boy spoke up, chips of wood flying out of his mouth.

The girl held up her broken chair leg, "Yes, but your gingerbread isn't very good mister," and yet she continued to gnaw on the unfortunate furniture.

I looked around the room and it seemed that the chair was the only thing they had destroyed so far other than the door. I noticed the chair they had broken was bigger than the others, poor Boom…

"That's not gingerbread!" Striker reached to take the leg from the girl but she held it tight.

"I think I know if this is food or not mister," the girl said and I leaned against the wall in shock and covered my mouth to keep from laughing at this creepily funny situation.

"Sorry girlie, I'molderandIknowthatthatiswoodnotatreat!" Striker did manage to take the leg from the girl this time and my eyes widened as I saw her baby blues well up and her face started to turn red. Growing up with Tornado, I had learned what to expect and quickly stuck my fingers in my ears just as she let out an unearthly wail.

Striker, unfortunately/fortunately, hadn't grown up with Tornado although Boom could be a close second in loudness, and the intensity of the girl's crying almost made Striker stumble.

But Striker was swift and saved the destroyed chair from the children's clutches and disappeared into the kitchen, coming out a moment later with two peppermint sticks and desperately handing them to the kids. The girl instantly stopped crying and I unplugged my ears warily.

Striker walked over to me while the kids started gnawing on the candy, although if they could chew through a door, they'd probably finish and move on to the rest of the dining room.

"Whatdoyoumakeofthis?" Striker asked, his eyes wide and stance nervous, which showed that despite the blonde's cockiness, Timber was still the leader.

"The kids are crazy?" I shrugged, I was lost in the same tub as Striker, all that was missing was the candlestick maker.

"How do you suppose we get them out of here?" Striker looked at the kids who were halfway done with their peppermints. "We can't very well leave them outside, Splash would have a fit and then Arid would tan my hide. And they're kids not adults so we can't just ask them to leave," he scratched the back of his head and I went to the table to sit in an uneaten chair.

"We could give them a bag of wood and send them towards the village, I'm sure their family is worried about them," I said and Striker came to sit next to me. The kids looked up at us from their spots on the floor, their mouths covered in a sugary varnish.

"Our daddy doesn't want us," the boy said and the girl nodded.

"He said we were very naughty children."

"For eating him out of house and home."

"So he left us in the woods."

"We found a cottage there made out of sweets!"

"The lady who lived there was very nice to us."

"She let us eat all the sweets we wanted!"

"Until there was no house left to eat," here the girl pouted.

"So the lady tried to leave in her magic oven to get more food."

"But we had eaten the magic one and she got into a regular oven."

"She didn't taste very good…" the boy shook his head and I felt my jaw hit the table. What _wouldn't _these kids eat?!

Striker looked at me, "I don't think she was trying to get more food, I think she was trying to escape," he whispered and I nodded, although the woman probably deserved it for being stupid enough to take in these hellions in the first place.

"Well," I said a few moments later when my shock wore off, "What are your names?"

The boy had just finished his candy and was licking remnants off his fingers, he mumbled around the sausage-sized appendages.

"Hansel and Gretel?" I asked and the girl shook her head.

"He didn't say Hansel and Gretel, he's Handsaw and I'm Gristle." I forced a smile and could see out of the corner of my eye that Striker was doing the same.

"Well, isn'tthatnice," Striker swallowed and stood; "I'll go get the boys, stayhereandwatchthem!" he was gone before I could protest.

I glared at the open door and then turned to face the kids who were watching me intently.

"Is that cotton candy on your head?" Gristle pointed at my hair and I touched it protectively.

"No, it's hair just like the stuff on your head," I said, how in the name of Parody did my hair look like cotton candy?

"Can we have more gingerbread?" Handsaw asked and I stood.

"No, you've had enough for awhile, we'll have more soon," I said and he pouted but thankfully seemed to accept it. Gristle watched me curiously as I peered into the kitchen for anything I could give them if they decided to attack the furniture again.

"You look like gingerbread!" she cried happily and I looked back at her in surprise then down at my brown tunic.

"Yeah, like a gingerbread man!" Handsaw clapped his hands and in unison the kids got unsteadily to their feet. They wobbled towards me and I backed up against the wall.

What was taking Striker so long?!

"Do you taste like gingerbread too?" Gristle asked and I wondered if I'd be able to jump over their heads.

"No, I taste like the oven lady did," I said, bouncing slightly, preparing to jump.

"But you're different, you're a gingerbread man!" Handsaw smiled, I grimaced. Were there any smart people in this world?

I felt Gristle's hand on my leg and tried jumping but her grip tightened and I fell which made their grins widen.

"Whoa, what happened here?" I looked up at the door and was actually happy to see a confused Purr studying the hole in the door.

"Purr!" I called, feeling the kids' hands coming closer. I almost blushed when I saw Purr smile at the sound of my voice but I had to concentrate on not getting bitten.

Purr's smile turned into a look of horror when he saw the kids.

"Who are you little tykes?" he put his hands on his hips and stepped into the cottage just as Handsaw managed to grab my hand and bite my finger.

I pulled my hand away from him and leapt to my feet, nursing my poor finger and glaring at the boy who was making a disgusted face.

"You don't taste good at all Mr. Gingerbread man," he said and Purr chuckled.

"I think your taste buds just haven't matured yet," he walked over and kissed my cheek before licking his lips and smiling. "Tastes wonderful to me," he crossed his arms triumphantly as I blushed rose red.

But Purr didn't have long to bask in my humiliation before Gristle grinned.

"Kitty!" she screeched and pounced on Purr, knocking him to the ground, I heard him gasp for breath as the big girl sat on him and started to pet his hair.

Handsaw joined in by tugging at Purr's tail. I couldn't stop laughing.

-

And that's what the Dwarbishies walked in on a few minutes later. Me, in a chair, laughing while Purr was petted and tugged by two obese children. He was making pitiful mewling sounds too which only made me laugh harder.

888

Sorry for taking so long to update my lovely readers, I get distracted and writer's block on top of that. Thank you for waiting and hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Wow, Hansel and Gretel turned out more cannibalistic then I wanted…sorry about that.

Please Review and if there is any specific Dwarbishie that you would like me to focus on, please say so.


	6. Burnie

_~Intermission~_

_Burnie_

I wiped my brow as I focused on the smoldering metal in front of me.

"Be careful!"

I jumped and dropped the rod, the sound of it clattering to the cave floor echoed endlessly.

"Now look what you've done! You got that rod too hot, it would have been useless and now you dropped it and have to start all over again! How many times do I have to tell you Burnton?" meet my father Combustion and yes, my name is Burnton, another reason I'm convinced the world hates me.

"I'm sorry father, I'll try harder next time," I said through gritted teeth and Combustion rubbed at his tired red eyes.

"You'll be lucky if I give you a next time, you big lummox!" he yelled and stormed from the cavern. The effect would have been so much more threatening if he didn't barely reach my stomach.

He'd been so surly lately -or more so than usual- ever since my mom Internal had left him for another dwarf woman. Engine I think her name was.

I shook my head and went to pick up the tongs and rod I had dropped at my dad's outburst.

Maybe I should take Timber up on that offer to find a place to live together. Anywhere would be better than here and Timber only annoyed me slightly less than my father.

Although, other than my dad, living here in my clan wasn't that bad, people avoided me because of my size and temper which was how I liked it and my dad let me use the boilers for all my projects. Except my clan didn't like using my tools, first off, they were my size and second, they used non-metal tools. My clan still used rocks to bash other rocks and they called me the strange one?

And then my dad comes in here and tries to advise me on how to do my own hobby?

What does he know about metalwork? Nothing, that's what!

I slammed the tools down on my work table and clenched my fists, staring angrily at the granite slab.

I was 16 damnit! I should be able to do what I want! Not have some dwarf who can't even bend me over his knee, order me around, even if he is my father!

I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose, calm down, no use getting angry for the twentieth time today, it wasn't even lunch time yet.

I gave my tools a dirty look and decided it was time for a break before my dad came back to scream at me some more. The clan wouldn't appreciate us starting another cave-in this week. Stupid rock heads.

I headed out into the tunnels and turned left away from my home, my dad would be there and like I said, the screaming and cave-ins.

Maybe Timber would be in town and we could have lunch, although if Tim was there, that probably meant Striker and Boom would be around too. Grimm.

Those twins were worse than a gender-confused prince! Or at least I imagined that a girly prince would be worse than those brats. Hopefully I would never find out firsthand.

Of course, as I had figured out, I never had had good luck with Parody.

I ground my teeth together and ran my hands through my shaggy hair.

"H-he-llo B-burnie," I turned with a glare to whoever had disturbed my solitude and was surprised to see Ardor, looking shyly up at me.

Grimm was she a fine specimen of dwarf.

Thick brown hair in two messy braids, her plaid dress smudged with dust and bits of rock, her round face covered with freckles and a tiny bit of hair on her upper lip.

She took my breath away. Not that I was weak mind you, I didn't think about girls much and they never paid too much attention to me either, most girls wanted guys the same height, not so tall that they were staring at his…ahem…moving on.

"Hey Ardor, what is it?" I asked gruffly and she blushed, Argh for such a beauty, she was so annoying!

"W-well, I was wondering if maybe…you might…" she fidgeted with one of her braids.

"Spit it out already!" I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms and Ardor looked at me with wide eyes before her blush receded and her hazel eyes turned dark.

"Don't you dare raise your voice to me Burnton! Or I swear I will castrate you and make sure you never speak again!" she stomped on my foot and marched down the tunnel away from me, a few stalactites shaking in her wake.

What a woman…

I could think of quite a few ways she could make sure I never spoke again but then, what she had in mind was probably not even close to what I had in mind.

I glared at the tunnel she had disappeared into, women, who needed them? I started again for the exit out of this hell hole.

-

"You're cheating!"

"I swear, I am not, you goat bastard!"

"I saw a card up your sleeve!"

"You're blind, that's my kerchief!"

"It's a card and you know it!" I ground my teeth and swung my fist at the idiot across from me. My fist collided with his jaw and he went flying to the floor, knocked out cold.

That's what he gets for accusing me of cheating. His friends picked the drunken goat bastard up off the floor and glared at me but I had already started walking away.

I was a nightly patron, the inn keeper wouldn't throw me out.

No one paid attention to my outburst with the bastard, it was typical of drunks to get mad at me and for me to punch them out, call it a form of crowd control and it kept me happy and was an outlet for my anger so it was a win-win.

However, everyone turned their heads when a slap resounded throughout the tavern and I saw an angry girl leaving a shocked Striker behind. I rolled my eyes.

Speaking of idiots…

I made my way through the crowd towards my future-housemate. I knew I was going to regret moving in with these guys. Even if we had known each other for over five years.

Timber was okay, we actually got along and I couldn't get angry at him, but then he wasn't an idiot.

Striker on the other hand was the biggest annoyance I had ever met in my life, he was a flirt, hyperactive, liked to _hug_, and made it a _goal _to pester me. He actually enjoyed it, the little creep.

And Boom, well, he was good compared to his twin, if they didn't look alike I would swear they couldn't be related. Boom actually annoyed me less than Tim except for him apologizing for everything but that was another matter.

I noticed Tim and Boom had already found the pain in my side and I rolled my eyes as I heard him do his usual whining.

"I didn't do anything!" he said and I knew he was lying, that idiot was always up to something. I felt my anger pooling up again and thought of the perfect way to let it out.

I smacked that idiotic blond head, "Shut up you great ninny," I grumbled and Striker rubbed his head, sending a glare in my direction.

"What is it, beat up Striker night?" I smirked before his brother comforted him with an arm around his shoulders. Striker leaned against his twin and stuck his tongue out at me. My smirk grew.

"Oh Tim, you know how we were looking for more help on our farm?" Boom asked and I looked to Timber who nodded. "I just met some guys who can help and they're Bishie dwarves too!" Boom smiled and Tim's eyes widened as did mine. How many Bishie dwarves were there in the world? It was supposed to be a rarity.

"Where are they?" Timber asked and Boom pointed to the corner table, I moved closer to Timber to get a better look at them.

Oh Grimm, they looked more pain-inducing than Striker!

One was blushing even worse than Ardor used to, the second looked like a chatterbox and the last looked even more anti-social than me!

"Are they friends?"

"Well the two talking are, the one that's reading is a loner, I found him outside and convinced him to come in to chat," Boom explained.

"Okay, well then, let's go chat," Timber shrugged his shoulders and headed towards the table, he wasn't serious was he?

Of course, knowing Tim, he never did anything without reason so I sighed and set my face to a glare before following him.

"Hello Gents," Timber smiled as he approached the table, the blusher blushed, the chatterbox shut up and continued to stare at Boom and the loner actually looked up from his book for a millisecond before going straight back to the pages before him.

"Hello, how are you?" the chatterbox asked with a grin, his silver eyes sparkling, I increased my glare just to kill his spirit but it seemed to have no affect.

"We're fine, I hear you men are looking for a place to live?" Timber sat down in an empty chair and glanced at us to join him. Boom sat in the only available seat to the delight of Chatterbox while Striker moved to sit on his brother's broad shoulders. I opted to stand behind Timber's chair, no way was I agreeing to letting these…_parasites_ live with us.

"Well, yes, me and Onyx just left our clan and haven't had any luck finding jobs yet," Idiot #2 gestured towards Idiot #1 who if possible blushed deeper, looking almost purple.

"What are your names?" Timber set his arms on the table and actually looked interested in considering these guys. My eyes widened in horror, Striker was enough!

"I'm Splash and this is my friend Onyx, we're from the Riverside Clan," ah, that explained it, Riverside was home to a different breed of dwarf, ones who didn't believe in mining in caves, idiots.

Timber looked to Idiot #3 who glanced up from his book, "Arid," and his eyes were gone again.

"Are you three interested in doing hard work, starting a farm won't be easy," Timber was the perfect interviewer, calm and rational, it sickened me.

"I like work, don't like being idle," the blusher…er…Onyx spoke up quietly, his face only slightly pink, that was an improvement.

"Yeah, we'd help as much as possible," Splash nodded with a grin, his gaze going to Boom who smiled back. Poor innocent Boom.

"I'll do whatever is necessary," Arid said and I wanted to rip that aggravating book out of his hands.

"Well, what do you guys think?" Timber turned to us and I glanced at Boom and Striker who were smiling and nodding. Oh no, no no no.

I looked at Timber who was giving me "The Look", the one that said, he would lecture me later if I was an ass. I hated lecturing almost as much as I hated Striker.

"Fine," I spit out and Timber smiled, turning back to the others.

"Looks like you have a new home men!"

Oh joy…

I ground my teeth.

Idiots.

888

Wow, Burnie sure has mellowed out since his younger days hasn't he? I almost feel like pairing him with Striker just to be mean but I couldn't do that to my little Burnton (which by the way is pun on "burnt on cheese")

Sorry you didn't see any child Burnie but I just can't picture him as a child, adult Burn is just more fun. And I noticed while writing this that Burn sounds a lot like Slush, maybe that's why they don't get along...

I'm not sure if I'll ever bring Ardor back, she was cute but I'll see about working her in.

Now, my lovelies, I'm so sorry but this will be the last chapter for at least two weeks because starting tomorrow I'll be switching to a new internet service which requires my internet to shut down for 14 days. Hang in there and I'll be back soon, besides two weeks without internet to distract me gives me plenty of time to write out the rest of the intermissions and maybe start chapter 5. Yeah, I haven't started it yet, so what? Nothing you can do about it, mwahah-sorry…I'm done now, I'll write it soon I promise and will have at least two new pieces posted once my internet is back.

Take care my lovely readers,

Splash and Onyx are next!

Peace out


	7. In which the prince cleans

**Vacation turned out to be more fun than I thought so please forgive this chapter's lateness. Blame my new boyfriend too; it's partly his fault for distracting me. I'll try and develop a schedule in the near future.**

**888**

"Finally! We're free!" Striker threw his arms in the air and spun around in circles down the path back into the woods.

I almost felt like dancing with him, those brats had been nightmares come to life. Not to be confused with Night Mares who are actually quite friendly but make horrible pets.

"Good riddance I say," Burnie grumbled from where he was slouching in the back next to Onyx who nodded mutely in agreement, probably still mourning the loss of his hairbrush to Handsaw's gaping maw.

"I didn't think they were _that _bad," Boom said, biting a fingernail, "Kinda cute actually," he blushed when he realized that all of us were looking at him in shock, Purr seemed ready to claw the blonde's eyes out. I wouldn't be surprised if the swordsman _did_ have claws.

"You think rock wyrms are kinda cute," Striker rolled his eyes as he walked to pat his brother's broad shoulder, "And they once ate our Uncle Rumble, these 'kids' tried to eat Slush and half our house!" Boom gave me a sympathetic look.

I shivered still remembering those beady eyes filled with hunger as fat fingers reached toward me like I was a very appealing drumstick.

Ugh…I don't think I'll ever be able to eat meat again…

Seeing me shiver, Purr stepped closer to put an arm around my waist, not even flinching when I glared at him. Stubborn feline.

But I'd allow it this once since Purr was warm and the morning mist was still hovering in the trees.

The Dwarbishies continued walking while Purr and I followed, the swordsman leaning his mouth towards my ear.

"Are you alright?" he asked and I shivered again but not because of the cold or memories of cannibals.

"As fine as one can be after almost getting eaten," I grumbled and quickened my pace but unfortunately Purr kept in step with me.

"You should be thanking me you know," he said with a slight blush, "If I hadn't walked in when I did…"

"Handsaw still would have bitten my finger and said I didn't taste good," I smirked smugly and Purr's ears flattened to his skull, dejectedly.

"Fine, but I still say that kid is deluded," this time he smirked while I blushed rose red. Stupid cat.

"You could say thank you for the compliment," Purr squeezed my hip that for some reason he was still holding…oh right…the cold…that's it. Ahem.

"Thank you," I whispered bitterly, crossing my arms and sending him a glare. "Pervert," Purr just chuckled and I found myself smiling slightly. Hey, a guy can't be melancholy _all _the time, I'm not Burnie. _Thank Parody._

Purr grinned at the sight of my small smile and I looked ahead to keep from blushing, I noticed that Splash, Onyx, Striker and Boom were glancing back at us 'subtly' I gave them a patented "Slush Glare 'o Death" and they quickly turned away but not without Splash giving me a happy grin first.

Grr, that dwarf would never leave me alone if I didn't at least try to get along with Purr. I sighed before lifting my wary gaze to Purr's baby blues.

"So-"

"Mr. Fect! Excuse me!" we turned to see an old man hobbling after us, Purr's arm left my waist to go to the hilt of his sword and I almost missed his weight and warmth against me but I quickly shook it off as stress from the kids and not having breakfast.

"Excuse me, you are Purr Fect, yes?" argh, that name. Purr nodded.

"Hello, I'm sorry to bother you but I heard you were the one to ask to fix my problem," the man wrung his hands nervously and Purr adjusted his belt in a professional sort of way.

"What kind of problem sir?" the man squeezed his eyes shut and shoved his hands in his thinning gray hair.

"Well, the story goes, I wanted a son, but I have no wife and at my age…well I made a puppet out of wood and I got my wish, he came to life. But instead of being the perfect son, he's a demon, he keeps trying to destroy my shop, I was finally able to trap him in a cage but I'm not sure what to do with him."

I stared at the man in shock; didn't people ever learn that making inanimate companions never went well? Who could ever forget when Pygmalion created a statue that fell on him and killed him?

"So you want me to destroy a _puppet_?" Purr asked, head cocked to the side, ears alert.

"No, I don't want him destroyed unless necessary, he is my son afterall," the man moaned and I almost felt sorry for him but seriously why not adopt instead of creating a son out of wood? Creepy much?

"I'll see what I can do for you sir," Purr gave the man a reassuring smile and put a hand on his shoulder and started leading him back to town.

"I named him Pinocchio, he keeps calling himself Chucky," the man said sorrowfully and Purr squeezed the man's shoulder comfortingly. I felt a small glow of warmth fill me at the sight of heroic Purr. Good, now I didn't need his body warmth.

I turned and saw the Dwarbishies waiting a few yards ahead, I hurried to catch up and we continued on to the cottage.

-

"Alright, Arid and Onyx go check on the crops, Burnie and Striker start getting tools for repairs. Boom, Splash and Slush, you're on clean-up," Timber gave us our instructions while he stared dismally at the chewed up door.

I patted Timber's back as I passed and he gave a wry smile.

Stepping into the cottage, I instantly frowned, had two kids really done all this?

Splash was kneeled on the floor, picking up chewed furniture pieces and broken cutlery. Burnie was gonna be pissed…well more so than usual.

Boom was fumbling through the closet for a mop and bucket, the big guy barely fit through the doorframe.

"Here Boom, let me do that, you go see what you can find upstairs," Boom smiled gratefully and thundered up the steps.

I got the mop and bucket and went to the kitchen to fetch a pail of water. Once that was done, I quickly set to the task of cleaning up the mushy apples Gristle had thrown at the wall, claiming the perfectly fine fruit to be 'icky' and Parody forbid, 'healthy'. The girl would eat wood and silverware but fruit was gross? Who raised those kids?

"I'm glad those kids are gone," Splash said quietly as he stood with an armful of rubbish, "They made my friends sad," he smiled and I couldn't help smiling back. Splash was sweet; friends apparently meant everything to him. I wanted to ask about his family but I had work to do. Splash gave one last grin before going out to get rid of the trash.

I smiled as I went back to mopping and almost broke the mop in half as a loud wail filled the cottage and Boom appeared out of his room, his honey eyes big and teary.

"How did they get upstairs?!" Boom sniffed, his eyes threatening to overflow.

"Handsaw must have gotten past when we were dealing with Gristle's apple throwing," I said, setting the mop against the wall, "What did they get Boom?"

Now, tears did spill from Boom's eyes as he held up what used to be a teddy bear. The poor cloth doll was missing a leg and was completely missing all its stuffing, the bear's head hanging limply on its half-eaten body.

"He ate Mr. Snuggles!" Boom cried and fell to his knees, hugging the bear despairingly.

"Heywegotthetools," Striker chose just the right moment to walk in, I actually grinned in relief at the sight of him. He looked around in confusion then saw Boom and quickly shoved the box of tools in my arms before zooming upstairs and hugging his brother tightly.

"What's wrong little brother?" he asked and I raised an eyebrow, Striker was the older twin? Who would've guessed it?

"They ate Mr. Snuggles," Boom wiped his nose on his sleeve and leaned against his brother's shoulder.

"Aww, I'm sorry. You know what? Howaboutnexttimewegototown, we get you two new bears?" Striker grinned and Boom smiled, wiping his teary eyes and sniffing slightly.

"Or maybe we can convince Burn and Tim, to let us finally get a dog huh?" Striker said and Boom grinned.

"I heard that, and no way are we having some flea-bitten animal running around this house!" Burnie came marching in, setting his tools on the table.

"What do you mean Burn? You live here don't you?" I picked up the mop and automatically ducked so the hammer imbedded itself into the wall instead of my skull.

"Burnie! No throwing anything dangerous in my house, isn't there enough damage already?" Timber glared at the red-head angrily, I think this was the first time I'd ever seen Timber lose his cool. But I knew how much this house meant to Timber and Grimm, who wouldn't be mad at someone who threw a hammer into your wall?

"Now you get to fix that hole _and_ make new silverware, get to it," Timber rubbed the bride of his nose tiredly and Burnie actually had the decency to look embarrassed, I think he respected Tim more than he let on.

"On it boss," Burn gave a weary smile and Tim patted him on the shoulder in apology. I tugged the hammer out of the wall and handed it to Burnie before going back to my mopping just as Splash came in, Arid and Onyx in tow.

"The fields are doing good Tim, they can do without our care for a day," Onyx said from behind his curtain of hair.

"Yes, it is a little dry out there but rain is on the way," Arid said in his typical monotone and of course no one questioned whether rain was coming or not, Arid knew everything. I rolled my eyes, this craziness was almost enough to make me wish for home.

"_Ah good day indeed, for I have never seen such beauty as yours Princess Slush,"_

Never mind.

"Do you think Handsaw and Gristle will be alright?" Splash came to help me with the mashed apples.

"That orphanage came highly recommended, they'll be fine," Arid said on his way to check the library, of course, between me and Arid, there was no way those brats would have gotten our precious books.

"I've known Hazel Witchburn for years, she's very health conscious and disciplined, she'll make actual kids out of those brats yet," Timber said as he straightened furniture and examined everything for any bite marks.

"I don't envy that woman at all," Burnie mumbled as he mixed a small bowl of plaster for the wall.

"They ruined our wheelbarrows," Onyx said almost wistfully, a small smile on his face.

The only way we had been able to get Handsaw and Gristle out of the cottage after a night of pure eating hell, was to lead them out with candy canes and get them in wheelbarrows to cart them to town. The wheelbarrows, by the time we got to the orphanage, had big chunks bitten out of the side of them. We'd left them as toys for the kids or in the brats' cases, snacks.

"Ate all my candy too," Striker growled as he disappeared into the kitchen to hopefully make lunch. I was starving; we hadn't had much chance to eat while taking care of the brats.

If only Purr had been able to distract them longer but even a pretty kitty wasn't enough to deter the brats' appetites. At least they hadn't tried to eat him…

Gah, Parody help me. I went back to cleaning.

-

A few hours later found the sun setting and eight men lying around the den, dead tired but house sparkling clean.

Boom and Striker were dozing on one couch, their heads together, and their open mouths in identical 'ohs'

Timber and Onyx were playing cards on the table in front of the fireplace while Burnie sat nearby, whittling a broken chair leg.

Arid was of course, reading in the big leather chair, Splash curled up next to him, napping on Arid's chest, practically in the red-head's lap. I smirked, wondering how none of the others noticed.

I burrowed deeper into the chair I had fallen on a few minutes earlier, a delicious dinner of potato soup in my stomach. Striker really was a good cook.

I felt my eyelids drooping, happy and content when a knock sounded and the recently patched-up door opened to reveal a smiling pretty kitty.

"Hey guys, who wants a fire?" he held up a box of what looked like kindling just as rain started falling outside.

"That would be very welcome, come in Purr," Timber lifted his head in greeting before going back to the card game. I watched as Purr shut the door and came striding across the room towards the fireplace.

"How did it go with that puppet?" a voice asked and I was surprised to note it was my own. Purr grinned.

"What do you think this is?" he tilted the box in my direction and I saw the kindling was actually a sliced up marionette with an abnormally large appendage I hoped was a nose.

"This bugger put up a good fight too, almost got me," he gestured to his arm that had a small bandage wrapped around it.

"Are you okay?" I asked and clapped my hands over my mouth; I really was tired wasn't I?

"I'm fine Sluscious, thanks for asking," Purr winked and went over to start the fire.

Hans Christian Anderson, there goes my good mood.

888

Sorry again that this was so late, I'm going to try to put up one chapter a week. We'll see how that works.

I hope you enjoyed this filler; sorry that it's short but the next chapter will be extra long I promise.

What fairy tale will drop in on our heroes this time? Tune in next week for another fun-filled episode of Slush Black!


	8. Splash and Onyx

_~Intermission~_

_Splash…_

"Look over here Onee!" I cheered holding up my treasure for my best friend to see. He looked up from where he had been watching tadpoles nibble his toes and smiled at me.

"What is it Shi?" he asked, his cheeks slightly pink. Onyx was so cute; the littlest thing could make him blush.

"It's a rock shaped like a turtle!" I said, running through the shallow creek towards him. I held out my hand to Onyx, the rock in my palm. Onyx smiled.

"You're right, it does look like a turtle," I sat next to him as we studied my treasure.

"Onee?" I said my voice barely a whisper.

"Yeah, Splashy?" he glanced at me, slate-colored eyes curious.

"What do you want to be?" I set my treasure down on the bank beside me and leaned back on the soft grass, Onyx followed suit.

"I would…want to be…a good person I guess," Onyx said and I giggled.

"You're already a good person!" I sat up and pounced on him to give him a hug. He blushed rose red but hugged me back with a small laugh.

"Thanks Shi, you are too," he laughed again as I pulled away and lied down again.

"I meant what job do you want when we're old enough?" I grinned and nudged him with my elbow, he smiled and his blush went from red to pink.

"Well, a miner like all dwarves I suppose," he shrugged and I sighed, gaze going to the clouds.

"I don't like mining," I said and Onyx sat up.

"I know, but it's the only thing we know," I sat up and played with my newfound rock.

I didn't have the right to complain, I had a great life, my parents Brook and Tributary loved me despite me being born a Bishie and I had my best friend Onyx and we lived on this beautiful river where our clan panned for gold. But what if I didn't want to be a miner?

At least our clan was different and didn't work in caves like other dwarves, instead panning rivers for precious stones but while I enjoyed playing in the stream, I wanted to be an artist not a miner. Even at seven, I already knew drawing was my talent.

"What are you thinking about?" Onyx pulled his knees to his chest and looked at me through his shaggy bangs.

"Just how lucky I am," I grinned and Onyx nodded in agreement. I stood and walked to the middle of the creek, kicking some water at my friend who grinned.

"Splash! You'll pay for that!" he stood and chased after me, both of us laughing.

…_And Onyx_

"Look over here Onee!" the voice of my best friend, well only friend, rang out over the creek where we were playing. I looked up with a smile to see Splash holding something in his hand.

"What is it Shi?" I asked, feeling my cheeks turn slightly pink, even shy around my friend? I hated that.

"It's a rock shaped like a turtle!" his grin told me that in his mind, this was the greatest find since his favorite charcoal pencil. He ran toward me, messy hair bouncing, and water splashing against his legs and held out his hand. The small stone did look like a turtle and I gave Splash a smile.

"You're right, it does look like a turtle," Splash sat next to me and looked at his treasure happily, I wish such simple things could make me ecstatic like they did Splash.

"Onee?" he said quietly and I almost grinned at the sound of my nickname but settled for a slight blush instead.

"Yeah Splashy?" I looked at him and his tender gaze met mine.

"What do you want to be?" he asked, setting the rock down and laying on the grass, looking up at the clouds above. I lay down next to him and smiled, I loved clouds; sometimes I wished I could fly through them but I liked the ground too much and am scared of heights. I thought about his question and finally thought of an answer.

"I would…want to be a good person I guess," I said slowly and Splash giggled, I instantly pinkened, thinking I had said something wrong.

"You're already a good person!" he said before I found myself being captured in a tight hug, so tight I couldn't breathe but that was just one of the hazards of being friends with Splash.

"Thanks Shi, you are too," I laughed as he pulled away and settled back against the grass, I joined him again and waited for him to speak.

"I meant what job do you want when we're old enough," he nudged me and I blushed deeper with an embarrassed smile.

My answer was instant, "Well, a miner like all dwarves I suppose," I shrugged and heard Splash sigh.

"I don't like mining," he said quietly and I sat up slowly, pulling my knees to my chest. I knew Splash didn't like caves, darkness and tight spaces scared him but our clan worked outside in the bright sunlight, his favorite place.

"I know, but it's the only thing we know," Splash sat up next to me and picked up his rock. My parents, Granite and Rockabelle completely expected me to follow in their smaller footsteps and I was content with that but I knew Splash longed to be an artist and have his art sell all over. If he ever left our clan, more than likely I'd be following him.

"What are you thinking about?" I tried flicking my bangs out of my face to no avail.

"Just how lucky I am," Splash grinned and I nodded before he stood and walked back into the shallow creek. He smiled mischievously and kicked water at me, making me grin.

"Splash! You'll pay for that," I ran after him, laughing.

I was just about to go tackle the brunette and get us both soaked when I heard my least favorite voice in the world.

"Well, if it isn't the two giants," Boulder and his two cronies, Erosion and Creek stood on the bank of the river, glaring at us.

Parody, they were ugly excuses for dwarves. We stopped our playing and stood still, Splash had his head tilted curiously, probably wondering what the others could want. I just tried to glare back at them but knew I was failing and felt a blush creep into my cheeks.

Boulder was 13 and had just begun his training for joining the mining crew, he thought he was special because he had started to grow his beard before any other dwarf his age but it was barely peach fuzz and not even noticeable.

"You freaks enjoying yourselves?" Boulder jeered.

"We were until you ugly dogs showed up," someone said and I was surprised that it was myself. Splash looked at me in shock. Boulder laughed.

"The freak is calling me ugly! Like you're one to talk Onyx!" he laughed and my hands went up to my face to cover the blush, I knew I was ugly by dwarf standards but was I really uglier than Boulder?

"Could you please stop picking on us Boulder?" Splash spoke up, his eyes pleading. He hated fighting and violence and always tried to put a stop to it. Boulder's mirth disappeared to be replaced by a venomous glare.

"Don't you dare talk to me scum!" Splash stepped back, tears coming to his eyes and I clenched my fists. It was well-known to our clan that Boulder's dad, Cliff, hated Bishie dwarves, he thought they weren't fit to live among other dwarves. It was a fact, that when both Splash and I were born, Cliff had ordered our parents to get rid of us but our parents had refused. I was lucky only that my mother was Cliff's sister and he wouldn't dare threaten her but Splash, Cliff treated his parents like they were criminals and was constantly trying to get them banished from our clan.

Obviously, my cousin had adopted his father's views…and anger.

"I'm sorry, just please leave us alone," Splash said quietly and Boulder snarled, his cronies doing the same.

Why did Splash try so hard to be friends with everyone? Couldn't he see that some just weren't worth it? But that was the endearing thing about my friend, he saw good in everyone and tried to move beyond the bad, I wished I could be more like that.

"What are you gonna do if I don't scum?" Boulder stepped closer and spat on Splash's shirt. Splash looked down at the older boy in fear and I raised a fist, ready to fight if necessary even though Splash wouldn't like that.

"Splash! Onyx? Where are you two?" a voice called and Boulder looked back, an adult meant they couldn't hurt us.

"Come on guys, let's go," he and his cronies disappeared through the trees just as another dwarf came to the river by a different path. It was our nanny, she took care of both of us since our families were best friends.

"There you two are!" she came to the bank and we rushed toward her.

"Hi Ripple!" Splash hugged her and she gave a sad smile.

"Hello dear," she patted his head and I noticed the look in her eyes.

"What is it Ripple?" I asked and Riv looked between us in confusion.

"Well, there's been an accident…with your parents and Cliff," she glanced at Splash and I almost cried as I saw my friend's entire world fall apart.

_S_

"I'm excited, how about you Onee?" I looked at my blushing companion with a big smile, he gave a shy one in return.

"Yeah, kind of Shi, it'll be nice not to have to live at that inn anymore," Onyx hid behind his hair as a pretty barmaid passed by.

"Yes, we'll have an actual house, just like Ripple always wanted for us!" I smiled, thinking of our old nanny.

After my parent's…death, Ripple had taken Onyx and I away to live with her in a small townhouse. We lived there happily, Onyx and I working for the local farmer, helping him take care of his livestock. Ripple had died when we were 17 and for the past few years, we had been living at an inn and making money at various odd jobs.

And now, we had met Boom, another Bishie dwarf who was looking for housemates to help out on his new farm. What luck! I giggled and my eyes searched for the blond in the crowd, I spotted his broad back and smiled.

Such a handsome Bishie. He was so nice too. I smiled as I watched him talk to another man who must be that Timber he had mentioned. My eyes went to the table's other occupant as Onyx and I talked about how lucky this opportunity was. His hair was orange and he was reading a leather-bound book that looked to be written in elfish. He could read elfish? How fascinating. His bored green eyes rose to mine before immediately going back to his book, I sat back. How had he made such a small gesture seem almost rude?

I dismissed the red-head, if he worked on the farm too, I'm sure we would become friends over time. I grinned as I noticed Boom and three others making their way toward our table.

_O_

"I hear you men are looking for a place to live?" the goateed man asked, I blushed, I didn't know any Bishies who could grow facial hair.

"Well, yes, me and Onyx just left our clan and haven't had any luck finding jobs yet," Splash explained and I blushed deeper, realizing Splash was lying, probably not wanting to share our _interesting _history, but still, Splash never lied.

"What are your names?" the man named Timber asked, looking at us inquisitively.

"I'm Splash and this is my friend Onyx, we're from Riverside Clan," I almost sighed in relief as Splash introduced me, if I had spoken, my voice would have been no more than a squeak.

I desperately wanted to run to the barn nearby and talk to Bessie, my favorite cow.

"Arid," the other man spoke up from behind his book, I looked at him through my bangs, strange fellow.

"Are you three interested in doing hard work, starting a farm won't be easy," Timber asked, drawing my attention back to him. I gulped as I realized his gaze on me, parody help me.

"I like work, don't like being idle," I said quickly and blushed, looking away from that steady gaze.

"Yeah, we'd help as much as possible," Splash smiled at Boom and the blond smiled innocently back, not comprehending what Splash's smile meant. I shook my head.

"I'll do whatever is necessary," Arid said dryly and I blushed at Timber's smile.

"Well what do you guys think?" he looked at the other three, the twins nodding eagerly which in turn made Splash grin, the grumpy man behind Timber spit his agreement and I gave a small smile.

It seems Splash and I had finally found a new home.

888

So now you know Splash's dark past, his parents were murdered! Dun dun dun! And Yay, Onyx got some screen time, I noticed I have been ignoring him the past couple chapters.

So what did you lovely readers think? Please leave a detailed review give me ideas or jokes, tell me your favorite pairings or pairings you might like to see (cuz I'm considering adding more romance to make this thing even more fluffy than it already is).

Also, exciting news! A picture of the Dwarbishies is now available at deviantart! Since I can't paste links here, just go to my profile for the link or go to deviantart and look up Dwarbishies or FlashFan and you will find it.

Thank you and till next time,

Happy Reading.


	9. In which the prince catches a thief

**I was given dark chocolate and a rainy day, woohoo for sudden inspiration and hyperness!**

**888**

"What are you guys doing here?" I yawned as I rubbed my sleep-filled eyes and stumbled down the stairs to where the Dwarbishies were lounging around the dining table.

Burnie smirked at me and pointed out the front window behind him. It was raining.

I smiled acidicly at Burnie and sat down by Timber, helping myself to some toast.

"That's the second time this week," I commented as I buttered my toast.

"Yeah, it'llbegoodforthecrops," Striker smiled from where he sat on the windowsill, watching the rain.

It had been five days since our last rain and life in the cottage had returned to normal, the Dwarbishies were back to work and I continued cleaning (ahem, reading) and what could be considered peace around here had settled in and I had a feeling it would stay.

The best thing though was that I didn't have to worry about that stupid cat as he had been hired by some anthropomorphic goats to protect them while they traveled the troll roads.

Grimm, those trolls were a pain to pay since the price was usually your life.

A cheer went up from Striker and Boom as their namesakes filled the sky with light and sound. Another flash and rumble found Arid's arm around Splash's shoulders as the brunette jumped in surprise. He nudged the appendage off with a slight giggle.

"Oh, Slush," Splash turned to me with a small smile, "I have some new paintings that I wanted to show you," I swallowed my last bite of toast and gave a close-mouthed smile.

"Yeah? Lead the way," I stood, snatching some bacon off a plate before following Splash up the stairs, noticing Arid pulling out his book as we left and Timber walked across the room towards the fireplace.

I gripped the banister tightly as a crash of thunder made me twitch; I shivered and hurried towards Splash's room.

I smiled as I passed the open paint-splattered door and into the lair of the hyperactive optimist. His big fluffy bed was unmade with a small fox stuffed animal lying on his pillow. Opposite his bed was a wall covered in finished sketches and paintings, easels sat stacked in the corner, one propped up to hold his newest work which was covered by a small tarp.

I smiled at the now familiar paintings on the walls. Most of them were scenes of the cottage and surrounding woods with certain Dwarbishies painted in and always with extra bright colors. I reached out to touch the corner of the middle painting, of a couple I didn't know but I guessed were probably Splash's parents.

Splash noticed what I was looking at and a shimmer of sadness passed over his face before his usual smile was back and he was walking to his desk to grab his sketchbook, I sat on the floor with my back against his bed before Splash joined me.

"Here, look at these," I took the book happily, Splash's art was amazing, he had a great eye for detail that even our castle artist didn't have and Splash never showed his art before it was finished.

I opened the small leather-bound book and grinned, "Wow."

Splash had drawn a dragon, its wings stretched wide as it soared gracefully through the sky, every scale and claw drawn as intricately as possible. But what drew my eye was the dragon's expression, instead of being fierce or monstrous, the dragon looked blissful, its eyes closed and its mouth upturned in a slight smile, the sun shining onto its serene face.

Splash looked at me hopefully and I gave him an approving nod, it was a silent agreement between us that I wouldn't give my opinions until I had seen every picture.

I flipped to the next picture and held back my grimace, it was Purr. But after my initial displeasure at seeing the swordsman, I saw the picture and almost laughed.

Splash had drawn Purr as a man but had put him in cat-like poses, one with him washing his face with his hand, one of him napping in the sun on the windowsill and one of him arching his back and hissing, his hair on end. I chuckled and turned the page.

The next few pictures were random drawings of Arid and Boom and some of the flowers in his garden.

"As usual, you impress me beyond words Splash," I smiled at him and he giggled, his cheeks pinkening.

"Thanks Slush, I drew the dragon for you, I thought you'd like it after those stories you've told us about your friend Scaly," he smiled and I grinned, nodding.

"Oh and I have a surprise for you," he stood quickly and skipped over to the tarp covered easel, "As a thank you for being such a good friend," he mumbled and pulled the tarp away with a flourish. I gasped.

It was a painting of me; I was sitting in my favorite chair by the fireplace, reading. My expression was perfect; I looked awed and completely sucked into whatever I was reading. But instead of painting the rest of the cottage around me, he had painted little scenes like a knight leading his army to battle and a merman swimming with a dolphin and a group of fairies dancing around a mushroom. A smattering of little stories surrounded me as I read, looking as if I was dreaming of them while I read those magic words.

"I-…this is amazing Splash, I-I don't know what to say," Splash grinned the brightest grin I had ever seen and rushed over to hug me.

"You're welcome Slush, I was scared you may not like it," I pushed him away to look at him in shock and opened my mouth to tell him just how much I liked it when a loud banging sounded downstairs over the loud patter of rain.

Splash looked at the door then at me and we quickly stood and headed out. Who would dare visit in this torrent?

I had a sudden vision of a talking goat come to tell us that Purr had had his head smashed in by a troll's club. I felt my blood drain to my feet and tried to concentrate on not falling down the stairs.

The other six Dwarbishies were looking at the door from their spots around the dining table, Striker pressing his face to the glass window to try and see the mysterious knocker. The pounding started again making the door almost shake with the force of the knock. Splash scurried over to Arid and put his hands on the red-head's shoulders.

"Well, don't just stand there ya ninnies, get the bloody door! If it's one of those damned fairy tales, send them to town, hope they get struck by lightning," Burnie grumbled and for once, I actually agreed with him.

Timber smacked Burnie on the back of the head and walked to the door, wrenching it open and letting a burst of cold air into the room.

"It's abou' time you got 'ere, it's bloody storming out 'ere!" a nasally voice said and I moved closer to the door to see who it was.

There were two of them. They were short. But not like dwarves. They looked to come up to about my shoulder. They almost looked like kids but were more like adults trapped in childish bodies. The man who had spoken had mousy brown hair, sunken eyes and freckles, a big canvas bag slung over his shoulder. The woman next to him had the same mousy hair tied into two braids, her face caked with rogue and lip color which was ruined from the rain.

"Sorry abou' him, may we come in till the storm passes?" the woman asked, her voice dusky and slick.

"Yes, but just until the storm passes," Timber said evenly. Maybe even the calm leader was getting sick of the seemingly constant stream of fairy tales that annoyed them.

The duo stepped in and shook off the rain. Timber began to shut the door and I could have sworn I heard a high pitched wailing sound in the distance before it closed.

"Thank Parody! I never though' we would escape," the man said, setting down the bulging bag.

"Quiet you idiot!" the woman's eyes darted to us and her companion firmly shut his mouth.

"Well, thatdidntsoundatallsupicious," Striker muttered, making Boom look at the duo carefully.

I walked up to Timber and stood on tip-toes to whisper in his ear, "Are you sure we should let these…_people_ stay here?" Timber looked down at me and fiddled with his ponytail, clearly uncomfortable.

"I would send them away," his eyes went resignedly to the window where a damned flash of lightning decided to appear, "But we can't send them out into that, no matter how shady they are. Splash would pout and then Arid would probably pull out his secret bottle of arsenic."

"He _has_ that?"

"Would it surprise you if he did?" I looked at the red-head who was glaring over his book at the new arrivals, his gaze emotionless as always, had a slight murderous edge to it.

"No."

"We could lock them in the library if it would make you feel better?" Timber gave me a slight smirk and I found myself smiling.

"Or just put them in a room with either Striker or Burnie, they'd come out either annoyed out of their minds or not come back at all," my smile turned into a sadistic smirk.

"Please don't give my men criminal records…" Timber shook his head and walked back to the fireplace to poke at the small flames in the grate.

I turned back to our newest "guests" and frowned when I noticed they were whispering fervently to each other. The man stopped when he noticed my gaze along with all the Dwarbishies curious (and in Arid's case still murderous) looks.

"So, you got any food around 'ere?" he asked as he rubbed the back of his neck. Burnie looked to our half-empty table of breakfast and deadpanned.

"No, none at all you slimy git."

"Help yourself," Boom smiled encouragingly and the two stepped over to the table and licked their lips hungrily before sitting and stuffing their faces. I raised an eyebrow and went to sit in one of the chairs by the fireplace but still watched the newcomers warily.

-

After they had finished eating every last scrap on the table, the mousy man had launched into an exciting story about a boy who had climbed a beanstalk and met a giant.

"And Jack was so cunning, he managed to get away wit' all the giant's valuables and leave the lummox up there withou' a way to get down!"

Splash covered his mouth with his hand, "That poor giant," he muttered and Boom put a hand on his shoulder, nodding sympathetically.

The man waved his hand, "Ah, that ol' giant was fine, just not enough to outwit Jack!" his grin was so smarmy, I'm sure Narcissus was rolling over in his grave.

"And let me guess, this cunning Jack," Arid spoke up, having put his book away and not tearing his gaze from the duo since they sat down, "Was you right?"

Jack's grin grew if possible, "Yep!"

"So that would make you Jack and Jill, the notorious robbers?" Arid quirked an eyebrow, I swear, he would make a great detective if he were actually interested in solving mysteries.

"Tha's righ'" Jack smiled and Jill hit him, "You idiot!"

"Jack and Jill?" I sat up in my chair, "my parents have an extreme warrant out for their arrest," I looked at the duo who was wide-eyed and I almost snorted, "_You_ are those crooks?" I couldn't help the laugh that shot out. Jack glared.

"Yea, we're the notorious bandits also known as Johnny and Glide; we've robbed every noble from here to Wonderland!"

"And if ya tell anyone, we'll do you in," Jill glared threateningly at us all and I think I saw Burnie chuckle. Like these two weaklings could outfight seven large dwarves and a prince. I can too fight! Don't you doubt me!

"We even robbed Ol' King Cole," Jack said proudly, not seeming to realize the danger he was in, Jill was definitely the brains of the outfit.

"E lived in a castle on a small mountain," Jack explained and Jill smiled.

"We went up the hill to fetch a 'pail of water'"

"And came down with a whole lotta loot!" they cackled uproariously while the Dwarbishies just stared.

"Except I did manage to fall and break his crown," Jack said as he wiped tears of mirth from his eyes, Jill smirked and Timber finally stepped forward.

"You two don't seem worried about being caught," he crossed his arms and did the towering thing over the criminals.

"Oh please, those pathetic guards can never catch us!" Jack rolled his eyes while Jill straightened up and seemed to realize the situation.

"And what makes you think we won't turn your asses in?" Burnie looked up from the wood he was whittling.

Jack opened his mouth to speak and Jill was up in a flash, grabbing Splash who had been sitting nearest and holding a dagger to his throat.

Jack grinned and the room tensed, "You try to turn us in and the little pretty boy gets it," Jill tightened her grip on the struggling Splash, she was wiry but definitely much stronger than the slender artist. Splash looked around the room, his silver eyes wide.

I looked around at the other men, Timber stood by the kitchen, for once unable to lead his friends. Burnie was rubbing his knife as if he'd like nothing better than to throw it at Jill's head. Boom and Onyx sat next to each other, Boom's expression one of fear while Onyx glared at the woman through his curtain of hair, the fiercest look I had ever seen on his visage compared to his usual shy nature.

Arid's back was to me but his hands were clenched and his fingers were turning white. My eyes found Striker, he was looking between Jack and Jill before quick as lightning, he tried to grab Splash from the woman's grip. But Jill was just as quick and stepped away, pressing the blade closer against Splash's skin, making the brunette cry out. Everyone stilled again as Jack stood and tears leaked down Splash's face.

I tried to move out of my chair but Jill heard me and shot me a look, I froze and in the silence I heard that strange high-pitched wailing again. Jack heard it too and moved to the window, peering out into the storm.

"Cheese it! It's the Bizzies!" he jumped away from the window and grabbed the canvas bag which no doubt had the "loot" the guards were chasing them for. Jill started backing away, still holding Splash, Jack headed towards the library and looked at us with a smirk, "Thanks for the hospitality gents," he saluted us and disappeared, Jill gave us one last dirty look before withdrawing her dagger, pushing Splash and following Jack.

I sprang towards the door with Arid right behind me, I pushed open the library door but it was empty, save for the open window. Arid ran to the window and climbed through it, fading into the rain.

I went to the window and poked my head out, looking in every direction but couldn't spot anything or anyone through the torrent. I retracted my head and shut the window before hurrying back to the main room.

Splash was cuddled against Onyx, sniffling into his shirt while Boom tried to coax him to wash the small cut on his neck. Burnie and Timber were at the door, talking to a guard and Striker was nowhere to be seen.

I walked shakily towards Timber, the adrenaline wearing off and I was suddenly tired.

"And they ran out," Timber told the guard, a man I recognized from the palace, I shrunk back behind Burnie who raised his eyebrow at me.

Parody! I couldn't get seen by the guards, they'd drag me back home and I'd have to marry Dunder and all this would have been for nothing!

I bumped against Burnie and he growled, "Get off me ya brat," he pushed me lightly and I stumbled. Timber and the guard looked at me and I blushed but the guard didn't seem to acknowledge me and looked back to Timber.

"Do you know which way they went?" the man asked, shaking some water off his already soaked uniform while behind him the storm started to lessen.

"They snuck out that way but they could have gone anywhere from that point," Timber said and I took the opportunity to go sit by Onyx and Splash.

"I see, well thank you for your cooperation gentleman," the guard turned and began to give orders to his men, their search hounds barking in excitement, that must have been the wailing sound, unless they had enlisted the aid of a siren…

"Who goes there?" a guard yelled and I rushed to the window, now able to see out as the rain lightened to a drizzle.

I almost gasped as I saw Jack and Jill tumble out of the foliage but grinned when Arid and Striker came out behind them, their faces serious, Striker carrying the canvas bag.

The guards instantly swarmed on the bandits and bound their hands, Striker handed the bag to the captain and shook his hand while Arid spat on Jack and walked back inside. I noticed Jack and Jill looked worse for the wear. Jack was bruised and his head was bleeding, even Jill had a black eye. Seems Arid let his emotions loose every once in a while, my eyes strayed to Splash, at least when it came to something important, I smirked.

-

The guards thanked us for 'the capture of these dangerous criminals' and left with Johnny and Glide in tow.

Arid stepped towards the fire and appeared to be ignoring his wet clothes, Splash let out a whimper and launched himself at Arid, clinging to him, still crying slightly but seemed to be settling down. The other Dwarbishies were busy discussing our recent guests and cleaning up dishes. I watched the red-head out of the corner of my eye, he gave a minute smile and wrapped his arms around the smaller dwarf, murmuring some words of comfort (I think, for all I know, he could be telling Splash the statistics of being kidnapped) before he remembered himself and coughed, pulling out of the embrace and heading up stairs to most likely change out of his soaked clothing.

It was a few minutes before Splash slipped away and followed Arid.

"Oh, one of those guards was a messenger and had some letters with him for us," Timber spoke and held up a small bundle of envelopes, he untied them and looked at the labels.

"One for Burnie and for the twins…and one for you Slush," he looked at me and I reached out and took the paper confusedly. Who knew I was here with the dwarves?

I looked at the label and smacked my forehead; it was from Aurora my narcoleptic cousin.

Stupid Snow, couldn't trust her with a secret as far as I could throw a poisoned apple.

888

I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner! I had the worst writer's block ever! I wish I could guarantee it won't happen again but you never know with me. I'll try to update more regularly in the future but I think I slightly made up for it by putting drama and Arid goodness in this chap. I don't particularly like this chap but Jack and Jill were so fun to write. Also, 'Bizzies' is a cockney term for police, I thought it fit since I made Jack and Jill sort of cockney-ish.

I hope you enjoyed it my lovelies.

Please review, give me ideas or jokes I could use,

Happy Reading.


	10. Arid

~Intermission~

Arid

Shade coverage: Sixty percent. Sun visibility: One hundred percent. Water drinkable.

"_For helping your father the traitor, you are hereby banished from this clan."_

My supplies should last till the nearest village…

"_We're sorry to lose our most knowledgeable scholar but your father's actions are unforgivable."_

Chances of survival are ninety five percent; chances of injury are few but should be taken into account, chances of thieves? Very slim.

I looked up through the branches of the palm I was sitting against and blinked at the sunlight that was vainly trying to burn my already tan skin.

There was no chance of clouds out in this desert. The heat outside this oasis would be unbearable, even for me.

"_Thank you Arid, for what you did, your father and I will miss you but we know you'll do great out there away from this place."_

Of course, I would do great; I excel at anything with very little effort. And to be away from those close-minded elders, did they not realize that banishment was a blessing, not a punishment?

I finally had my chance to explore, learn and see the world. I could actually visit Wonderland or the great wall of Humpty Dumpty instead of just reading the limited information in the tomes of our clan's small library. I'd read the entire library by the time I was 10 and had every book practically memorized by my current age of 20.

I reached for the pack next to me and took out my waterskin, quenching my thirst and draining the last drops. I stood and slowly stepped out of the safety of the shade and walked the short distance to the crystal blue pool, refilling my skin, the water wetting my sandaled feet and the edge of my worn red robes.

Let's see, I was about two hours away from my ex-clan and the closest settlement was ten miles from this oasis. If I left within the next hour I could reach the village by sunset. Then the capitol of Yriaf Elat was twenty miles from the edge of the desert. I could arrive there in approximately three days, two if I could procure a camel from the village.

I stretched my stiff muscles, resting so much after extended exercise was not good. I had a long journey ahead of me. I peered out through the surrounding palms at the endless mountains of sand beyond.

I was finally getting out.

There was only so much you could learn about deserts. And only so much you could learn about the world in a clan of hard-working but ignorant dwarves.

Deserts were boring when you got right down to it. Sure, I was an expert on them. I could tell you all about sand storms, plateaus and cactuses until your ears fell off (which can never factually happen except if they rot off). But would it really matter to you?

Deserts were boring unless a person had a genuine interest in them.

"_You and your father constantly have your noses in those moldy books Arid, are you always so dull?"_

I turned to look east, the direction I had come from. I could just barely make out the towering wooden pole that acted as the first marker to guide you towards our clan. The Wind clan lived under a plateau where we mined limestone, salt and a black slippery substance we called Lio.

I had never had any interest in mining. The process was simple enough and you couldn't learn anything from mining, I had been wasting energy (and precious time that could have been spent studying) helping with mining. I was a born scholar, I couldn't learn enough, there was always more to understand and be educated about. Books were just as important to me as oxygen, as soon as I got to Yriaf Elat, I would try for a job at the King's Library.

I actually smiled at the thought of all those books just waiting to be read. I hoped they had some on the Wonderland/Narnia wars; I had always been interested in that.

"_Arid, it's nice that you have an interest in books but could you please focus on important things? Like how to mine! You're a dwarf…though not much of one."_

I retreated back to the shade of the palm tree and stowed my water skin back in my pack.

My thoughts turned to my father, Tedious who was the kindest soul you could ever meet but was so absent-minded he'd put his shoes in the oven and wear bread on his feet. Arid always had to make sure he remembered to eat and sleep; otherwise he'd spend his entire day reading and inventing. This is why Sophie was such a breath of fresh air to the dusty plateau of the Wind clan. She was a farmer's daughter who had runaway from an unwanted marriage to the grimy blacksmith of her small village. She was petite and delicate, not much taller than a dwarf and had wavy blonde hair and an angelic face.

The clan did not want to have anything to do with her, they had no need for a damsel in distress, no dragons or knights ever bothered us. But the desert was a dangerous place for someone who had no food, money or place to go, so the clan told her to stay with the scholars. Tedious and I always had an extra room for guests.

It only took a few weeks before Sophie was completely besotted with the clueless yet brilliant Tedious and when the dwarf actually noticed there was a woman around, he could not stop smiling which I took to mean that he loved her too. And Sophie was perfectly willing to care for him, making my life much easier.

I convinced my father to propose and even called in a pastor from Yriaf Elat to perform the ceremony since I knew no one in the clan would do it. And I was right. The clan elders were outraged when they found out a dwarf had married a human and that I had been the one to instigate it.

So I'm now banished, my father was allowed to stay because of his brilliant inventions that helped the clan's productivity increase tenfold. Though Sophie was treated like an outcast, I told her to convince father to move to Yriaf Elat as soon as they could.

If I got a job at the palace, I could afford to buy them a large townhouse.

I just had to get there first.

With that thought in mind, I stood and adjusted my clothes, grabbing my belongings and facing the direction of the nearest settlement and stepping out of the oasis.

* * *

Okay, so next time I traveled through the desert, I should consider thieves a bigger threat than anticipated.

No acquaintances, no money, no place to stay. And with no money, I would never be able to make it all the way to the capitol without resorting to stealing or begging for meals. And I didn't relish in the idea of selling my limited belongings. The extra tunic, knife and books I'd brought would only get me one gold piece all together anyway which would then make me a possible target for other thieves…

If I ever got my hands on Jack and Jill again, those brats, I'd give them what's coming to them. Violence never truly solved anything but they'd left me homeless and unable to travel without degrading myself and getting a dead-end job.

I sighed and leaned against the cool stone of the building behind me. I'd made it to Yriaf Elat without any problem, until I'd gotten ambushed right at the border of the desert. The two teens had expertly grabbed my coin purse and ran before I could even comprehend what had happened. The boy had stupidly yelled cockily over his shoulder, "Jack and Jill welcome you to Yriaf Elat!" Now I had their names if I ever wanted to find them again.

But first things first, logically I need to find a place to stay for the night and then tomorrow I could inquire about a good job or find someone who was traveling to the capitol.

I adjusted my bag and looked around inquisitively at the small town I had stumbled across. It seemed to be just one main street with a few side streets that led to houses and the farmland beyond. I easily spotted the village tavern which would be my best bet for finding fellow travelers.

I walked over and peered through the small window, instantly seeing a group of dwarves at a table sharing a round of ale. I shuddered. I wasn't quite ready to deal with more dwarves right now; I'd stay out here for awhile. They'd leave soon, I knew, dwarves always got up early. Gave them more time to mine.

I pulled a book on Trolls out of my bag and settled under the lamp hanging beside the door to the inn. I'd gotten the book off a merchant in that desert village and couldn't wait to learn if the rumor that trolls had green blood and magical powers were fact or fiction.

* * *

"Excuse me?"

I broke my attention from my book and glanced up at a tall, broad blonde who was looking at me curiously.

"Yes?" I quirked an eyebrow and hoped this man wouldn't waste my precious time.

"I was just on my way back to the tavern after visiting my friend at the smithy and couldn't help noticing your ears," he said with a blush and my hand rose to touch my pointed ear that was just visible under my short orange hair. I then noticed the blonde's ears were also pointed and he was much too broad and his voice too deep for an elves'.

"Ah, so you are a Dwarbishie too?" I queried and the over-sized dwarf grinned.

"Yes! It's so rare to meet others like me, what brings you to Little Town?" he asked kindly and I couldn't help rolling my eyes, what an apt name for this village.

"I left my clan and am trying to travel to the capitol of Yriaf Elat but I have no money or place to stay," I shrugged, knowing this man meant me no harm and I could trust him with my plight.

"You need a place to stay?" the man's bright expression had me wondering about his sanity. "My friends and I are about to start a farm together near the capitol. I know it's not a fancy job but it would be free," he rambled and then smiled at me so hopefully, I actually felt compassion for someone other than my father. Plus free room and board, a job and judging by this man's size, protection. The answer was obvious.

"I would gladly accept your offer, if your friends agree," I nodded and closed my book, slipping it into my bag. The blonde's grin widened.

"I'm Boom, I'll bring you in to meet Timber and the others," he held out his hand and I shook it awkwardly before Boom laughed and pulled me inside to face my uncertain future.

* * *

From what I could gather by observation alone, I would not mind my housemates. I glanced up from my book and watched the other Dwarbishies I could see scattered across the tavern. The brunette, Timber, seemed polite and business savvy, perfectly able to run a successful farm. There was a red-head playing cards with some men, he was hot-tempered but I could tell he was a hard-worker and smart. Boom and his twin were nice but kind of simple. They were likely good listeners though and I had always been curious about the Clash clan. I'd heard they had some kind of mining system that involved sparks and I was dying to know how it worked.

I then looked to the duo sharing my table, other possible housemates like me. The taller one who was so shy he made a fawn look fearsome was liable to be good with animals and a pleasant person to work with. His companion though, from what I could tell by his endless giggling and pointless chatter, had a head as empty as a rain barrel in a drought. His delicate figure would be of no use to the hard labor of farm work and by the way he played idly with his fingers, he probably had a short attention span.

My interests turned back to my book on elvish history, a book Sophie had given me before my departure. I had learned elvish from the one tome in my clan's miniscule library that had had the elvish alphabet in it.

I was just getting into a battle between the elves of Wiffenpoof and the elves of Keebler when Timber joined our table, offering a polite yet guarded smile. I glanced around at the six other Dwarbishies and bit the inside of my cheek.

Chances of being accepted? 100 percent. Chances of liking my new home? Unknown.

* * *

The sun was warm and the air was moist after a rain shower the night before. Building up our property was going well and the probability that our crops would be bountiful was high. I gazed around as Timber directed everyone. Burnie was busy setting up his small smithy; Onyx was happily putting animals into our newly built barn while the twins brought in supplies and planted saplings for their orchard. I wished to go help Timber estimate the best way to plant the seeds so that the crops would grow to their maximum potential, but I had been assigned to help Splash who was determined to plant a garden. I crossed my arms and sighed, I wondered if he even knew the difference between silver bells and cockleshells.

"And I'll plant sunflowers here," the brunette kneeling beside me smiled then turned captivating silver eyes up towards me. "Do you think that's good or would it disrupt the roses?" he gestured to a plot marked off by twine and I raised an eyebrow.

"No, that should be fine, I don't think flowers care much about personal space," I let the corner of my lip curl slightly and Splash laughed as if I'd told the funniest joke in the world.

"That's true," he stood and brushed dirt off his knees, looking up at me, his eyes glittering with excitement.

"I hope Tim gives us a break soon, Striker made cookies and I really want to get started on this new book I got in town, about the Wonderland/Narnia wars." Splash grinned and my train of thought on how best to categorize the library stopped dead.

"You have a book on the wars?" I asked in astonishment. Splash nodded, his cheeks pink.

"I don't like blood or violence but the controversy and politics are what interest me. Did you know that the Red Queen wasn't called that because of her violent nature but because she was besotted with a Narnian king and turned rose red whenever she saw him?"

I blinked as I absorbed the information, momentarily unable to come up with a response. I was an ass for misjudging Splash but I would do my best to make up for it.

"I heard her sister was engaged to that king and that's one of the reasons for the war,"

"Oh yeah? Well, what about the Knave and his part in it?" Splash countered with a grin and our discussion quickly turned heated.

Chances of being homesick? None. Chances of loving my new home? 100 percent.

888

Can you tell that Arid is my favorite?

Sorry if he comes across as a jerk. He's really not, he's just a genius who doesn't care what people think of him. He doesn't mean to be hurtful, he's just honest.

Can you also tell Arid/Splash is my favorite pair? I was trying to be subtle about their relationship but I utterly failed. Oh well, you guys like it too so I guess it doesn't matter. Arid misjudged Splash because Splash does give off a ditzy vibe, it's just once you get to talk to him, you find out how smart he is. They actually have a lot in common and their personalites play off each other well.

On a side note: Yay! I finally updated! I'm so sorry to everyone who probably gave up on this story but my muse just died on me. Never fear though for I have been playing with this story and now have it finished in my head, all I have to do is write it down. Wish me luck.

Now PLEASE review, tell me what you think of Arid and if you need any explanations about him, don't hesitate to ask. Also, still willing to accept ideas for future plots or pairings you'd like to see.

Till next time my loverlies.


	11. In which the prince is jealous

**Damn writer's block thrice to Hell!**

**888**

"Jack and Jill? Weren't those the two kids who robbed you when you left your clan?" Purr smirked at the now-glaring red-head.

"Quiet, your talking is ruining Striker's concentration," Arid glanced at the blond who was currently cutting Boom's hair.

"No, he's not, talkasmuchasyoulike," Striker smiled obviously enjoying Arid's embarrassment.

"See?" Purr continued smirking as he leaned against the wall, "That must be a very interesting story, could you tell us about it?" he looked at Arid like he was a canary, his ears and tail flicking excitedly. Arid just blinked.

"No, it is actually a very boring story and I have more important matters to attend to," Arid stood from the couch and closed his book before walking towards the door, "Tim asked me to check on the crops and I better make sure that Splash's new flytrap plants haven't eaten him yet," and he was gone.

"Spoilsport," Purr muttered before turning his attention on me, I rolled my eyes and continued sweeping the dusty floor.

The swordsman had just gotten home yesterday and had been completely intrigued about the adventure he had missed, regretting that he had not been able to capture the bandits and punch their lights out for harming Splash. Although he was proud of Arid for taking initiative, he was just too busy teasing to say so. I wish the trolls had eaten him.

"So Slucious, don't I get a welcome back kiss?" Purr smiled at me but I was glad to note his cheeks were slightly pink. I smiled brightly.

"Not even if you were my one true love," I turned, pretending not to notice that I had smacked Purr in the gut with my broom.

I was actually cleaning without being told (or rather yelled at by Burnie for not earning my keep) because everything had to be perfect for Aurora's visit. My cousin from the neighboring kingdom of Yensid while very nice was also a huge blabbermouth and would reveal my location to my parents at the merest mention of my name. Although, in her letter she hadn't said she was visiting my parents. She was staying with Snow and found out I was in the area as well. Remind me to put Snow in another coma next time I see her.

-:-

All too soon a knock sounded on the door. Timber, Burnie and Onyx were out back. The fields didn't need much tending today but Burnie refused to deal with more guests and Onyx could never leave his beloved animals for long.

The rest of the house mates were scattered around, Arid in the library, Splash by the fireplace painting and the twins playing a game of marbles on the floor.

I closed my book and sent a quick glare at Purr who was innocently polishing his sword. The cat man sensed my gaze and looked up, smirking as he moved the cloth over the metal in a suggestive way.

I pushed away my blush and marched towards the door, pasting a sickly sweet smile on my face. Hopefully, Aurora would be less annoying than I remembered her from childhood.

"Hullo Slush," Aurora mumbled sleepily, stifling a yawn. She'd never really gotten over that whole sleep enchantment thing.

She was still as beautiful as ever, with hair of gold and lips that shamed the red rose. She looked a lot like Sunny, which again made me wonder if I was adopted even though I had my father's hair.

"Hello Sleeping Beauty," I couldn't help teasing my cousin. Her blue eyes narrowed.

"Oh shut up," she rubbed at her eyes, like she was trying to push away the sleep tugging at them and turned to reveal a man I hadn't noticed before.

He had scruffy brown hair that fell to his chin and roguish facial hair to match. He was dressed in a loose red shirt that showed off a bit of his muscled chest and black pants. A shiny metal flute was strapped to his belt.

"May I intro-introd-" Aurora paused to yawn, "This is my friend Piper."

The man reached out and shook my hand, his green eyes twinkling happily. He was so merry that I found myself smiling back.

"Pied Piper of Hamlin," he said, his voice lyrical like a songbird.

"Oh I've heard of you, you have a lot of pet rats yes?" my smile became a smirk and Piper laughed.

"Yes, I tend to adopt the vermin I chase out. They're quite good housekeepers with the help of my trusty pipe," he patted the instrument gently.

I'd heard that he was also the one who put the vermin in the city so he'd have something to chase out in the first place but I kept my mouth shut. It was a good if dishonest business. It wasn't Piper's fault that villagers were gullible and terrified of such small things.

"Well, come in, would you like something to eat or drink?" I closed the door behind my guests.

"Tea with tons of sugar," Aurora sat down immediately at the dining table, resting her head in her arms. She gave a distracted wave to the other occupants in the room who watched the princess with the slanted crown in interest.

"I'll take whatever you're offering," Piper chuckled at Aurora and also took a seat at the table, poking the girl's arm who grunted and batted his finger away, making him chuckle more.

I stepped into the kitchen and grabbed the tea cakes Striker and Splash had made just for our guests. I brought them out along with a pitcher of my favorite pear juice. I wouldn't dare insult our guests by bringing them that awful apple cider that Striker had insisted on making.

I set the tray on the table and then walked towards the fireplace to put the kettle on. I brushed by Purr on my way as the brunet moved to join Aurora and Piper.

"That's an impressive sword, I'm quite into swordplay myself," I heard Piper say as I busied myself with the tea.

"Are you? I have a spare blade, perhaps we could spar," Purr replied good-naturedly, "That is, if you think you're up to the challenge," he chuckled and I could just picture the blush blooming on his cheeks, worried he'd been rude.

"Oh I'm definitely up for it," I turned to see Piper smirking as he leaned in close to Purr, eyelids lowering. Purr, who was indeed blushing, bit his lip and looked away shyly.

Why did I suddenly want to throw something heavy at Piper?

I shook off the strange urge and walked back to the table, sitting next to Aurora, across from the other two men who had moved on to chatting about their jobs.

-:-

Aurora was much more awake after her cup of tea that was more sugar than actual liquid. She told me about the war Yensid had had recently with the neighboring country of Raxip, it had ended in an alliance so not much blood had been shed. Then she asked about how I came to be here and I told her as eloquently as I could though my attention was elsewhere.

Piper and Purr had moved to the couch by the fireplace, still heatedly exchanging their adventures. The cat man was so into his story about his fight with a wizard that he didn't notice Piper scooting closer to him. The musician smirked and nodded at everything Purr said, watching him with warm eyes.

"Slush!"

I looked at Aurora, as did Purr and Piper. She was looking at my hand which had been holding a spoon for stirring the tea. I'd somehow managed to bend the cutlery completely in half. Parody, soon my anger issues would rival Burnie's. Though what had made me so angry, I didn't know.

I dropped the spoon and ran a hand through my hair.

"Okay, you bore me," Aurora declared and stood, ambling over to Splash, only stumbling once. "What are you drawing?" she leaned over the brunette and began cooing over whatever he was working on.

I got up also, looking at the spoon confusedly before shaking my head and walking away to deposit myself in the armchair next to the couch.

I listened in interest as Purr continued about his battle with the wizard. He really did have skill with a sword and his cat-like agility didn't hurt either. Maybe I'd take him up on his offer to teach me swordplay; he said he could train me to control my clumsiness. Then I could just stab any annoying suitors. The thought made me smile.

"So Purr," Piper spoke up and I realized Purr had finished his story while I had been daydreaming.

"Would you want to get a drink at the tavern later?" Piper smiled at the swordsman and winked, causing Purr to blush petunia pink.

"Uh, sorry, I have a job in the morning and must turn in early," he wrung his hands together and I raised an eyebrow, he hadn't mentioned any job to us. In fact, he'd said he would help the twins in the orchard tomorrow.

"Oh come on, live a little, we have so much in common," Piper reached out to place his hand over Purr's and the man's bright blue eyes widened.

"Sorry again, but you see," now he blushed rose red, "…my heart is already spoken for," Purr suddenly found the twins game very attention-grabbing.

"Oh, sorry then, just friends it is," Piper shrugged and smiled boyishly.

What? Purr was in love? Who could he possibly love?

He flirts with me all the time but that's just to annoy me…right?

I bit my lip, if he did love me, did I love him back?

I think I d- "What about you Slush? Anyone tugging your heartstrings?" Piper smirked at me and I returned it.

"No, I'm on strike from men," I chuckled, waving my hand dismissively.

"Oh really? Entirely? That's sad," he put his hands on his knees and leaned closer to my chair. "Sure I couldn't change your mind?" his eyes twinkled mischievously.

I glanced at Purr who was watching us, his hand on the hilt of his sword. Hmm, interesting.

"Oh I dunno, I'd need a lot of persuasion, I'm stubborn," I copied Piper's pose so our faces were only a foot apart. The musician glanced at Purr and gave me a furtive wink. My smirk grew.

"I'm sure I could persuade you eventually. All night if necessary," his voice became husky and I adopted a shy smile.

"All night? That's not very proper Master Piper,"

"Master, I like that," he nodded smugly, causing me to laugh, "But what should I call you? Your highness?"

"Milord will do for now," I grinned and snuck a peek at Purr. He was glaring at Piper with such intensity; I almost thought the musician would catch fire.

"As you wish milord."

-:-

It was nightfall before Aurora decided it was time to go. I was almost sad about her departure. She was much more pleasant now. Maybe the sleeping spell had relaxed her. Finally a family member I could stand.

"Thanks ag-aga-again," she yawned, blinking sleepily, "That stew was delicious cousin. And those strawberries, good work men," she smiled at the dwarves who were gathered behind us. Timber smiled back and said his thanks.

"Nice meeting you all," Piper nodded, "Especially you Onyx," he smiled at the brunette dwarf who blushed furiously and only managed a quick nod in reply. "Take care of that calf alright?"

We'd given our guests a tour and Piper and Onyx had bonded over the animals, particularly Bessie's newborn calf, Ralf. Piper had even played it a lullaby with his pipe, ensuring he'd sleep peacefully all night. In fact, that tune had made me kinda drowsy as well. I could almost feel my pillow beneath my head.

"Come visit again," I hugged my cousin, surprised by my attachment to her.

"You'll have to write me if you change locations again," she hugged me back, nuzzling my shoulder. I pushed her back before she could fall asleep on it.

"Ha, not likely! If he hasn't left by now…" Burnie grumbled behind us. As usual, we ignored him.

-:-

Piper had summoned a fairy to light their path with his flute and soon all traces that they'd been here were gone.

"I'd better be going too," Purr ran a hand through his hair and wouldn't meet my eye.

"You could stay the night," I offered and wondered if Aurora's casualness was contagious.

"No," Purr chuckled humorlessly, "I sleep better in my own bed, but I'll be here bright and early with my twin repellent," he smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. I laughed.

"I thought you had a job to do?" I raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"I sort of lied," he bit his lip and his tail twitched nervously. My hand gripped the door as I peered at him in the moonlight.

"Purr," he looked up surprised at the sound of his name, "Do you like Piper?" I glanced at him through my lashes, my heart throbbing.

Purr's eyes widened, "Parody no!"

"Good."

Slush gave the swordsman a grin and shut the door before he could see the hopeful look on Purr's face.

888

Hans Christian Anderson! This chapter gave me all kinds of trouble. I got stuck right at the first break and couldn't think of how to continue this chapter.

Then Piper plopped into my lap and demanded a part in the story. I love this little flirt, don't you? I kinda imagine him like Gwaine from BBC's Merlin. Yum.

Anyway, thanks to all of you who have stuck with me through this long drought and double thanks to those who asked if I was okay or encouraged me to finish it.

And oh my parody, is Slush finally thawing? About time right? Also, sorry if this chapter lacks jokes. I am very tired and am having trouble being witty right now. But I had to write this before I lost the inspiration.

Now that this chapter is done, I can finally start on the last three. Yes, I only have three more chapters (and one intermission) planned for this. So sad but then that's what drabbles and side stories are for!

Please review and continue to pester me. I should have the next chapter out soon. I hope.


	12. Not an Update

To FANGIRL who didn't leave me any other way to contact her. Please, in the future, leave a signed review so I can get in touch instead of getting people's hopes up with a non-update.

To answer your question Fangirl, yes, you may borrow my characters for a companion story. Provided you tell me the idea, cite me and send me a link once you have it posted

Sorry to all my other readers for spamming you with this. Let this be a lesson to leave signed reviews!

Thank you,

Whirl


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